Saturday, June 14, 2008

Staybehinder Gallery #3 

Gerhard Richter, Wiesental Meadowland
oil on canvas (1985)


Friday, June 13, 2008

Huggy Bear sings songs of man-crush: 

"I've been totally in agreement and support of President Bush. [...] So I strongly disagree with any assertion that I've been more at odds with the president of the United States than I have been in agreement with him."

SEN. McCAIN: No. No. I--the fact is that I'm different but the fact is that I have agreed with President Bush far more than I have disagreed. And on the transcendent issues, the most important issues of our day, I've been totally in agreement and support of President Bush. So have we had some disagreements on some issues, the bulk--particularly domestic issues? Yes. But I will argue my conservative record voting with anyone's, and I will also submit that my support for President Bush has been active and very impassioned on issues that are important to the American people. And I'm particularly talking about the war on terror, the war in Iraq, national security, national defense, support of men and women in the military, fiscal discipline, a number of other issues. So I strongly disagree with any assertion that I've been more at odds with the president of the United States than I have been in agreement with him.

Mr. PREZNIT: I like it when you dress up in your little maverick costume and prance around in them taupe cowhide rose colored saddle vamp boots I bought ya... het, het, het.


Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Well stroke my putter 

Go read this - because it's very hilarious.

Then, go read this, because it isn't:
Total U.S. military fatalities in Iraq since March 2003: 4094


Sal Minella 

3 Danger Monkey

Sam and Ella:
An American Tragedy

I bet you didn’t know about this.

In early 1961, Ella Fitzgerald, the First Lady of Song herself, was at a party being given by some record executives from RCA in Los Angeles. Fitzgerald was under contract with Verve Records at the time, and didn’t know many of the people at the party. After mingling for an hour or so, she was getting ready to leave when she heard someone playing the piano and singing in another room. She didn’t recognize the song, but she immediately loved it.

As the story goes, [...]

The party ended up lasting all night. The man at the piano turned out to be none other than Sam Cooke, and the song that had introduced him to Ella was one he’d composed and recorded.


As it turned out, the audience hadn’t walked out because of any problem with either of the two stars. The chicken marsala was undercooked, and nearly everyone in the crowd had taken sick. The singers were told of this the next morning, and they were asked to hold off the rest of the tour and perform again in New York to get things off to a proper start. But the damage had been done. Cooke, who was also a bit superstitious, refused to perform, insisting that it was going to happen again even if they never served chicken at one of their shows again. The tour was canceled, and that was the end of Sam and Ella. They never performed together again, and Cooke was killed in a bizarre shooting some three years later.

Umm. Ok. If you say so.


Tuesday, June 10, 2008

McHuggy Bear speaks of mysterious foreign realignments 

My friends, Pooty Poot is the president of Germany:
I was in a conference in Germany over the weekend and uh, uh, the president Putin of Germany gave one of the old cold war style speeches as he addressed the conference there...

VIDEO via Oliver Willis

As I'm sure most of you are aware: Angela Lansbury is the president of Germany. And Borscht Kapusniak is the current King of Russia.


Monday, June 09, 2008

Staybehinder Storm Center 

--- open thread ---


Mrs Clinton did the right thing by conceeding the nomination 

A Moment with Andy Roonee

Hello, I'm Andy Roonee.

Last Saturday Hillary Clinton gave up her bid to be the Democratic party nominee for president. I can't say I blame her. I wouldn't want to be the Democratic party nominee for president; not that anyone would have me. But Mrs Clinton did the right thing by conceeding the nomination in my opinion.

I don't think she should have conceeded simply because she lost the contest fair and square. I just don't think anyone over the age of sixty should be allowed to be the president of the United States. Never trust anyone over sixty, that's what I always say.

John McCain is over sixty. Actually, he's over seventy. That's way too old to be president in my opinion. And I should know, I'm over seventy, and I'm way to old to even be on television. Once you're over seventy you're pretty much just phoning it in. Take my word for it. I wouldn't trust John McCain if he were a day over fifty nine. Take my word for that too.

It's a shame Barack Obama didn't want to have his own segment on Sixty Minutes because he could have had my job, whatever that is, and I could finally retire to the lobby of the CBS building where I'd wander around all afternoon in a Harris tweed overcoat and my underpants trying to lick the faces of strange women until the nice CBS security people insisted I leave. But that hasn't happened. At least not yet.

Did I ever tell you about the time the Countess Dunsmore - and former "Lady of the Bedchamber to Queen Victoria" - presented me with my first tweed overcoat? No, I didn't think so. The Lady Dunsmore died in 1886 and most of you younger viewers out there probably never heard of her and aren't interested in hearing about it - but, so what - I remember reading her obit in the New York Times back then and I felt bad she had passed away. That's why I still keep the overcoat she gave me on a hook right here in my office. Every fifty years or so I send it out to have it dry cleaned.

I think it's a nice thing that Mrs. Clinton did. Dropping out of the race and allowing Mr. Obama to become president, that is. I think the older folks should stand aside and allow the younger folks the opportunity to succeed. At least every fifty years or so. I was a younger folks once, eventhough I don't much like younger folks today, I still think they should have a chance to succeed.

And afterall, it's not like Mrs. Clinton gave up her job running the produce isle at a Krogers to run for president. She'd spent eight years in the White House herself while her husband piloted the Big Fuck Jet of State. It's not as if she hasn't been there before. I've never been on a Big Fuck Jet myself, but I bet it's a lot of fun.

Also, I don't think it would have been good for our country to have had to watch Mrs. Clinton and Mr. McCain campaigning against each other for the presidency of the United Sates. That would have been too painful for most of us to endure for too long. First of all, Mr. McCain looks to much like Hillary Clinton. They're both short and squat and look like the kind of people that buy sweatproof UVA and UVB sunblock with an SFP rating over 50 just to stand next to a heat lamp at a buffet. And I don't know about you, but I've stood next to my fair share of buffet heat lamps in my time and it's no picnic. And furthermore, if you put Mr. McCain in a lime green pantsuit and a feathercut Nikki Mono Estetica wig, well, he even looks a lot like Mrs. Clinton. I think that might confuse the American people too much. And the American people are confused enough as it is.

The American people won't be confused about appearences when Mr. Obama campaigns against Mr. McCain. And I can't imagine Mr. Obama in a lime green pantsuit.

For what it's worth, I hope the Smithstonian in Washington D.C. one day sets aside and dedicates an entire wing to Mrs. Clinton's pantsuits. I think the American people owe her that much. Yes we do.

And finally: I know a lot of women are disappointed that Hillary Clinton wasn't the Democratic party nominee for president this time around. I understand that. And I understand a lot of women in some cases are very upset by this. For instance, a woman calling herself "Hillis44" - I think that is some kind of internet code name - sent me a letter the other day telling me that she felt like: "a battered spouse who'd been humiliated in front of the Vrouemonument/National Women's Monument in Bloemfontein, South Africa by a funny talking waffler with connections to radical religious fanatics who called me his friend and considers himself an outsider and commands an enormous and dangerous messianic, racist, and misogynist cult, that also controls the western news media".

She also informed me she was voting for John McCain in November.

I don't know about you, but it didn't make any sense to me either.


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