Friday, August 11, 2006
mile marker 50
Seventy five thousand candles, make a lovely light...
what i want for my birthday:
John wants 75K (blog reader hits) for his birthday. So what are you waiting for? Read archy every day.
Hey, sshhh... listen to me; this is gonna be an old guy (a half century old) who, a year or two from now, will be wandering around at the end of his driveway babbling about woolly mammoth herds at the center of the earth or backed into some old leather chair nursing a snifter of Baileys Irish Cream and cackling over the freakish fatal departure of Bill O'Reilly who dropped choking dead one on-air evening after stuffing his own foot into his own big yap one too many times for a man his age.
Or (old grizzled John) pried from his post mid-century leather chair by tormenting right winged demons will be heaved back down his own cracked weed strangled driveway and reduced to yelling shrill menacing liberal threats at the staggering legions of Young Republicans for Christ - who just happen to be canvassing his retirement neighborhood on behalf of the Rick Santorum/Katherine Harris 2008 GOP presidential ticket - and who also just happen to meander too close to his baby bass lure mailbox (with protective balls) that he got for his 52nd birthday.
"YOU THERE, WITH THE BLANK STARE AND THE CLIPBOARD, STEER CLEAR OF MY BABY BASS LURE MAILBOX OR I'LL BEAT YOU LIKE AN OLD HOOK-RUG WITH MY PETRIFIED ALASKAN WHALE PENIS!".
I can hear it all now.
Or he'll take to rooting through old dusty boxes in some smelly damp Puget Sound attic for -- and tucked away inside some yellowed acid eaten 1972 copy of Boys Life Magazine -- a once treasured long lost crinkled roach gnawed ad-glossy of Joey Heatherton seducing a Serta mattress (and thank God for it)...and other tragically deteriorating fringe watching stuff like that. And on and on.
So, i'm just saying, if I were you I'd show up for John's pre-birthday birthday celebration and countdown to 75K. Maybe Joey Heatherton will stop by to play Twister on a matress! Or lawn jarts. Or to yell at some stupid Republican teenagers. What? You don't like sports?
Go light another candle on the birthday cake at archy.
*
what i want for my birthday:
I promise a major woolly mammoth post some time in the next two weeks! I’ll throw in at least one gratuitous attack on Bill O’Reilly, Ann Coulter, or Rush Limbaugh. Who else can promise that? No other blog offers its readers a journalistic cockroach, shrill liberalism, and woolly mammoths. So, come, read Archy, bring your friends, and bring your friends' friends. I'll make it worth your while.
John wants 75K (blog reader hits) for his birthday. So what are you waiting for? Read archy every day.
Hey, sshhh... listen to me; this is gonna be an old guy (a half century old) who, a year or two from now, will be wandering around at the end of his driveway babbling about woolly mammoth herds at the center of the earth or backed into some old leather chair nursing a snifter of Baileys Irish Cream and cackling over the freakish fatal departure of Bill O'Reilly who dropped choking dead one on-air evening after stuffing his own foot into his own big yap one too many times for a man his age.Or (old grizzled John) pried from his post mid-century leather chair by tormenting right winged demons will be heaved back down his own cracked weed strangled driveway and reduced to yelling shrill menacing liberal threats at the staggering legions of Young Republicans for Christ - who just happen to be canvassing his retirement neighborhood on behalf of the Rick Santorum/Katherine Harris 2008 GOP presidential ticket - and who also just happen to meander too close to his baby bass lure mailbox (with protective balls) that he got for his 52nd birthday.
"YOU THERE, WITH THE BLANK STARE AND THE CLIPBOARD, STEER CLEAR OF MY BABY BASS LURE MAILBOX OR I'LL BEAT YOU LIKE AN OLD HOOK-RUG WITH MY PETRIFIED ALASKAN WHALE PENIS!".
I can hear it all now.
Or he'll take to rooting through old dusty boxes in some smelly damp Puget Sound attic for -- and tucked away inside some yellowed acid eaten 1972 copy of Boys Life Magazine -- a once treasured long lost crinkled roach gnawed ad-glossy of Joey Heatherton seducing a Serta mattress (and thank God for it)...and other tragically deteriorating fringe watching stuff like that. And on and on.
So, i'm just saying, if I were you I'd show up for John's pre-birthday birthday celebration and countdown to 75K. Maybe Joey Heatherton will stop by to play Twister on a matress! Or lawn jarts. Or to yell at some stupid Republican teenagers. What? You don't like sports?
Go light another candle on the birthday cake at archy.
*
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
The Four Points in Meridan
Lamont - 52%
Lieberman - 48%
Do the math. i dunno who selected the Four Points Sheraton (Meriden CT) for the Ned Lamont victory party dancehall location but, hey, nicely done. Even if the exterior drive does resemble the entrance to a hospital emergency room (healthcare is, afterall, an important issue.)
On the other hand, the Lieberman campers selected the Goodwin Hotel in Hartford for their campaign's ultimate sulking ground. Which [The Goodwin building] looks like something adapted from a Bram Stoker vampire story - if ya ask me - and probably even boasts recently renovated torture chambers on the sub-ground level. The Alberto Gonzales Grill and Grotto perhaps? I shudder to think. But what-ever. (BTW: All good hotel advertisements are required to emphasize a recently renovated something or other. Thats just the way it is.) In any event, the Goodwin didn't work out to be as good and symbolically win friendly afterall - and so (sniffing present danger on the winds of change) the NeoJoe Indy Show and entourage will be checking out first thing in the mornin' - fleeing Esau - and hitting the low road in search of more suitable independent accomodations. Is there a Pillar Stone Last Chance Motel available somewhere near Bethel? We'll see. Joe's people are working on it.
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Lieberman - 48%
Do the math. i dunno who selected the Four Points Sheraton (Meriden CT) for the Ned Lamont victory party dancehall location but, hey, nicely done. Even if the exterior drive does resemble the entrance to a hospital emergency room (healthcare is, afterall, an important issue.)
On the other hand, the Lieberman campers selected the Goodwin Hotel in Hartford for their campaign's ultimate sulking ground. Which [The Goodwin building] looks like something adapted from a Bram Stoker vampire story - if ya ask me - and probably even boasts recently renovated torture chambers on the sub-ground level. The Alberto Gonzales Grill and Grotto perhaps? I shudder to think. But what-ever. (BTW: All good hotel advertisements are required to emphasize a recently renovated something or other. Thats just the way it is.) In any event, the Goodwin didn't work out to be as good and symbolically win friendly afterall - and so (sniffing present danger on the winds of change) the NeoJoe Indy Show and entourage will be checking out first thing in the mornin' - fleeing Esau - and hitting the low road in search of more suitable independent accomodations. Is there a Pillar Stone Last Chance Motel available somewhere near Bethel? We'll see. Joe's people are working on it.
*
