Thursday, December 15, 2005

The War on Christmas (previously aired)

From the archives:

Saturday, December 11, 2004
Bill - O'Reilly - Oh - a rumpa bum bum

Via Dr. Atrios, who is, apparently, one of the great mysteries of the natural world - at least if you work at CBS News. But anyway...:

From Big Bad Bill O'Falafel:

"That's why nobody sticks up for Christmas except me. Did Peter Jennings stick up for Christmas last night? I don't believe he did. How about Brian Williams, did he? Did Rather stick up for Christmas? How about Jim Lehrer -- did he? Did Larry King -- hello -- I love Christmas -- did he? No." -- Bill O'Reilly, The Radio Factor with Bill O'Reilly, December 9, 2004

Well well, apparently Yuletide Billy is something of an anti "founding father" type because the Massachusetts Bay Colony Puritan nuts outlawed the celebration of the Christmas holiday in 1659. Including all that blasphemous liberal Christmas tree hugger bullshit. (unfortunately repealing the law 25 years later) So, Bill, you heretic, you should cease all that liberal pagan idol-worshiping bad craziness if you really know whats good fer ya! If them Puritan founder-like folks had spy'd you snuggling your loofah sponge under a blinking Douglas Fir on a frosty Christmas morn in 1660 they would have lashed you to a post in the public square in your jammies and peed in your bowl of parched corn meal mash and heaved your sorry fried falafel ass into a frozen pit with a toothless witch! For the glory of God and King and corporate colony and the errand in the wilderness and other such sanctified heroic flapdoodlry.

I know all this because I killed the Devil with my bare hands and have been afforded knowledge that most mortals will never be afforded. Please help me afford this statement by making a donation to the 1-800 number currently flashing on your computer screen. Whether you can afford it or not.


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