Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Great Infant Colic Hothouse Orchids of the Intertoobzs!
I didn't write anything to go with this blog post because I'm far too busy not giving a shit about writing anything having to do with this blog post title.
However, for what it's worth:
1] I don't eat Cheetos (actually, I don't eat any snack foods at all but sometimes I will eat deli meat or leftover pizza or pimento stuffed spanish olives straight from the jar at strange hours).
2] I don't wear pajamas (which are for creative class pussies and mooslims and snooty British jim-jammie outfitters.)
3] I always wear extreme weather BaseMap 3.0 under armour and a pair of 18" comfort trac scent free rubber boots. When I sleep. Or, a Grand River Lodge cuddle wrap. Except in the summer, when I sleep in the naked except for the scent free trac boots and a CAR-15 assault rifle which I cling to in the event Caroline Kennedy trys to break into my house at 4am to try to steal my collection of JFK half dollars.
4] Sometimes, in the winter, when things are their darkest just after dawn, I will jump out of bed and throw up the sash and open up on the woodpeckers in the stand of Harwood outside my bunkhouse if I believe they are making fun of my PJs (which I dont even wear or even have in the first place). Nevertheless: Take that you peckerneck suet stained BB brained cosmoplitians! Eat 223! I yell, until all hell breaks loose.
There is nothing wrong with me. Stop saying there is. I am perfectly unhappy.
*
However, for what it's worth:
1] I don't eat Cheetos (actually, I don't eat any snack foods at all but sometimes I will eat deli meat or leftover pizza or pimento stuffed spanish olives straight from the jar at strange hours).
2] I don't wear pajamas (which are for creative class pussies and mooslims and snooty British jim-jammie outfitters.)
3] I always wear extreme weather BaseMap 3.0 under armour and a pair of 18" comfort trac scent free rubber boots. When I sleep. Or, a Grand River Lodge cuddle wrap. Except in the summer, when I sleep in the naked except for the scent free trac boots and a CAR-15 assault rifle which I cling to in the event Caroline Kennedy trys to break into my house at 4am to try to steal my collection of JFK half dollars.
4] Sometimes, in the winter, when things are their darkest just after dawn, I will jump out of bed and throw up the sash and open up on the woodpeckers in the stand of Harwood outside my bunkhouse if I believe they are making fun of my PJs (which I dont even wear or even have in the first place). Nevertheless: Take that you peckerneck suet stained BB brained cosmoplitians! Eat 223! I yell, until all hell breaks loose.
There is nothing wrong with me. Stop saying there is. I am perfectly unhappy.
*
