Saturday, September 13, 2008
The McSnowmachine to Nowhere Express
snow job - noun 1. a long and elaborate misrepresentation (deception, misrepresentation, deceit - a misleading falsehood)An effort to deceive, overwhelm, or persuade with insincere talk, especially flattery.
Have you seen the mini-army? Do they have names?
Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin shoots former Senator Fred Thompson of Tennessee in moose hunting misunderstanding.
ALASKA - Officials in Alaska are confirming reports that former Senator and presidential candidate Fred Thompson has been fatally wounded during a hunting misunderstanding near the town of Moose Pass south of Anchorage.
Thompson - who had accompanied a small private hunting party which included John McCain's vice presidential running mate Gov Sarah Palin and a select assortment of media representatives carrying a mobile tire swing unit - reportedy wandererd away from the group and was later sighted by Governor Palin who mistook him for a rutting bull moose thrashing among a stand of native trees.
Thompson was reportedly spotted standing in ankle deep water and rubbing himself against a willow tree, grunting and snorting, and emitting a melodic nasal whine (a common behavior among bull moose during mid to late September).
Thompson had apparently wandered away from the group to forgage on a caesar salad and smoke a rare Cuban Cohiba Behike cigar when he was spotted by Governor Palin and mistaken for a large noisy animal.
Thompson, who stumbled off into the bush after being hit, was pronounced dead upon closer inspection following a brief blood trail pursuit and promply field dressed by an experienced independent cheflike camp consultant contacted by Governor Palin to accompany the party. The carcass was dragged behind an Artic Cat ATV Prowler to a nearby cook station, butchered, and prepared for future transport when an alert photographer familiar with Mr Thompson noticed that Mr Thompson was seemingly missing from the party altogether - so to speak - and the pair of Irish Setter Snow Claw XT hunting boots removed from the target prey closely resembled the boots Mr Thompson had been seen wearing only moments before the kill event concluded.
Palin fired at Mr. Thompson with a Cobb MCR 300 (30-06) assault rifle from a distance of approximately twenty five yards while positioned through the sunroof of a black Land Rover LR3.
Governor Palin was not available for comment but spokespersons with the McCain campaign expressed their regrets and extended their sympathies to the Thompson family. But also emphasized that Governor Palin was a straight shooter with a proven record as a hockey mom and a reformer who doesn't blink when confronted by circumstances requiring quick decisions and a proactive response. McCain campaign spokesman Rick Davis released the following statement in response to critics seeking to question Gov Palin's judgement and resolve:
"Sarah Palin has a happy baby named Trig and a family who depends upon her for fresh organic meat. Any attempts by the elitist Obama campaign trial lawyer media wolves to deny food to Governor Palin's family or to run down and tear apart the reformer Sarah Palin's maverick reputation, patriotism, devotion to country, and God, and Christianity, and tax breaks for small business owners, and Ronald Reagan, or ability to make important decisions as a woman, are not only sexist and misogynist but a slap in the face to decent honest hard working real Americans everywhere. Governor Palin is the most popular hard working common sense feminist governor in America and without her unblinking guidance rapists would be allowed to exploit free government services at taxpayer expense and the Aleutian Islands would be nothing more than a staging ground for Russian SS-18 Satan missiles and a chain of dispossessed old euorpean cultural marxist styled disco honey mone fat farms for retired KGB agents and homosexual South Ossetian Roki Tunnel checkpoint guards."
Senator Thompson's remains have been secured by a privately contracted tactical emergency taxidermy response unit from Fairbanks. Following further examination and preservation Mr Thompson will be installed (in commemoration) on the main floor visitors lobby of the William Morris Agency in Nashville, Tennessee.
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