Sunday, August 03, 2008

John McCain Likes To Eat Regular Guy Stuff 

These are things that John McCain, Regular Guy, likes to eat:

[breakfast] - Waffles with flavored corn syrup. Scrambled eggs and ketchup catsup (not Heinz). Buttered white toast. Prune juice. Coke. (Senator McCain refuses to eat toast when visiting France).

[lunch] - American grilled cheese sandwich on white bread or chunky (not fancy elitist albacore) tuna sandwich on white bread with Miracle Whip and a Coke.

[dinner] - BBQ'd meat. Chicken livers or Pork Chops smothered in condensed cream of mushroom soup. Chimichanga Supremes. Tatar Tots. Buttered corn on the cob or easy creamed spinach casserole with canned fried onion sprinkles. Coke.

[desert] - Angel food cake topped with sliced canned peaches in corn syrup and Cool Whip. Fudge (from Germantown Ohio or Lancaster PA) or Cadbury eggs. Mega Missile WarHeads (with a gumball in the tip). Hot Chocolate with Peppermint Schnapps. Diet Coke

[snack] - Soft Cheddar Pretzels. Tangy BBQ Krispy Crunchy Puffs. Coconut GooGoo Clusters. Warm milk with ground nutmeg from Connecticut, The Joe Leiberman State.


But in a nation in which 66% of the voting-age population is overweight and 32% is obese, could Sen. Obama's skinniness be a liability? Despite his visits to waffle houses, ice-cream parlors and greasy-spoon diners around the country, his slim physique just might have some Americans wondering whether he is truly like them. - Booman Tribune.

You bet your fat ass it could. Senator McCain challenges Senator Obama to a televised cream cheese eating contest in Philadelphia. Senator McCain will eat four pounds of cream cheese and wash it down with a liter of orange soda pop faster than Senator Obama can say pass me the solid sterling master butter knife bud. Senator McCain, my friends, will eat his cream cheese with a Pig Sticker Bowie knife.

Senator McCain never eats any of that sissy food Mrs McCain stole from the Food Terror network neither. One time Mrs McCain tried to make Senator McCain eat some of that Ahi Tuna with Napa Valley Slawful and Senator McCain had his friend G. Gordon Liddy slash the tires on Mrs McCain's favorite airplane so Mrs McCain would stop flying off to Northern California every other afternoon to buy expensive cole slaw from dirty hippy cabbage farmers. Mrs. McCain never pulled a stunt like that again.

Senator McCain likes to eat imported Iranian Pistachio nuts because they remind him of "'Marie the Flame of Florida,'" a dancer who cleaned her fingernails with her switchblade."

(this post was inspired by the writings of David Brooks.)


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