Monday, April 14, 2008

Whiskey for the People 

Lemme tell ya something. When I'm in the hunt for a good anti-fogmatic what do you think I do? I'll tell ya what I fuckin' do. I reach right for my special reserve of Old Pantsuit!

Thats right. That's goddamn right. I keep it in a special hiding place next to my over and under refrigerator. I don't want any teenagers getting after it. If teenagers find my stuff they'll take it. And they'll drink it. And they'll tell other teenagers about it. And the next thing you know there will be teenagers crawlin' all over the place like missionaries in a jungle. So I hide it next to the refrigerator behind my box of chainsaw parts and my scrapbook of Halley Mills magazine pictures. Fortunately there ain't a teenager within thirty miles of here so I haven't had any problems yet. But if there were some teenagers around here I don't think I need to tell you there would be some trouble.

I saw Hillary Clinton on the tv today getting jug-bitten with a bunch of woodchucks from some god forsaken hell hole in Pennsyvania. I was in Pennsyvania once. And I will never go back to there because it took me almost 25 years to learn how to spell Pennsyvania and I think it is condescending and elitist to make your state difficult to spell and make regular people have to learn how to spell a stupid state nobody else is from. I can spell Main and Vermant and Ohio. And I went to those states before. I have never spelled Massachusites right and that is why I have never went there before and I never will.

I am glad that Hillary Clintoon is not from a hard to spell state. Hillary is from New York which is where I is from and I live now and Hillary doesn't live to far away and I could drive right down there to where she lives and eat at the Arby's near White Planes.

Arby's is from White Planes too and Hillary lives near White Planes just like Arby and once when I was in a Arby's near White Planes I said "hey, does Bill Clinton come here sometimes to buy curly fries?" and the guy said "oh, yeah, sure, he buys curly fries here every Tuesday night" and I said "cool" and he said "rock on dude" and I said "rock on" (but I said it more forcefully than he did) and he said "that will be $5.95" and I said "no problemo, you got change for a 10" and he said...

Well, I don't think he said anything... but he did have change for a $10. So, I said "say hey to the Big Dawg for me next time he slides by" and he gave me one of those friendly two finger salutes as if to say "you got it my friend" and then so I went and pulled up my truck a little so people behind me could get their food too...because, who knows, the Big Dawg could have been waiting in the line like evryone else. And so I pulled forward so I could count my change and then I drove on back around and into the parking lot again and ate my food in my truck (eventhough I think that might be inethical) but I didn't see the Big Dawg stop in on that night and I did keep a eye-out.

So I was gladdened when I seen Hillary on tv and she was drinking up Royal Crown with some knuckleheads from Pennsilvaia because I know that Arby's makes Royal Crown too and even though I don't go to Pennsilvaiana much any more (not that i did anyway) I love Royal Crown (especially RC Psycho Nitro Drink!) and so when I heard Hillary was tankin' up on Royal Crown in Pennsilvannia I figures she was probably tossing back the Psycho Nitro Drink too because it would either be that or the Cola or maybe the Diet Cola because she is a lady.

And that is how I live too because when I drink Old Pantsuit I always mix it with Royal Crown Cola and fresh ice or i drink Old Pantsuit and sometimes Psycho Nitro but mostly RC Cola.

Royal Crown and Old Pantsuit rocks!

And also when Hillary was drinking on tv she told about how when she was a girl her uncle took her out to shoot. No doubt to shoot at road signs in the country near Scantoon Pennsylania. Because where I am from is not too far from there and we even have a national holiday to shoot at roads signs... at least we did.

Which remided me too... i was shooting at road signs when i was a teenager and we would shoot a road sign and then me and my brothers would bring the road sign back to our house and dress it in the garage and then we would clean it all up for the sake of the law and other ridiculous stuff and later on sometime one of us would hang it up in our room and then maybe even an apartment at college - in the event one of us made it that far - and eventually nervous yet totally exciting and highly intellectually stimulating chicks from the college would ask us about our road sign on our wall and about how it got all those bullet holes in it in the first place and sometimes we would get layed...

...and sometimes we wood get layed next to a shotgun-slug-blasted rural Yield sign in the middle of no-where while we giggled and fiddled and tossed and rolled up big fatties on the dashboard and Jessica rolled from the speakers and the summer wind whipped through the windows and we flew down the road with our Old Pantsuit and Royal Crown between the seats...

and there was no end in sight.


corrente SBL - New Location
~ Since April 2010 ~

~ Since 2003 ~

The Washington Chestnut
~ current ~

Subscribe to
Posts [Atom]


copyright 2003-2010

    This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?