Friday, April 25, 2008

The Obliterator vs. Uncommitted 

WINTER - 2008

I will never forget that magical night in Michigan - Tuesday, the 15th of January, in the year of our Lord 2008 - when Hillary "The Obliterator" Clinton (who was raised only a few miles from anywhere you can ever think of) vanguished the relentless Dennis Kucinich and some guy named "Uncommitted" by a combined 179,526 popular votes total.

It was one of the most glorious victories in the history of history!

How many popular former hometown regular First Lady regular girls can say that they not only vanguished Dennis Kucinich (who is hitched to a unregular foreigner girl) but also defeated a shameless unregular army of 238,168 unpopular disgruntled "uncommitted" nose-thumbers who would not even identify themselves!

It just goes to show that "The Obliterator" is ready to command the rule of law on day one and won't be deterred by obscure unexpected rulings foisted upon her by manipulative man-drones and shameless downtown elites and anti-regular uncommitted defeatists!

"The Obliterator" commands! "The Obliterator" rules! "The Obliterator" bows to no "Uncommited" and unpopular insurrectionist mob's "rule of law"! Not in Michigan and not in Iowa and not in North Carolina and not anywhere else where anxious downtown elites and "creative class" society hill layabouts try to delegate to the suffering optimistic resilient will of the regular people! God save "The Obliterator"!

Let us sing:

Oh, Queen Bee, of Lake Winola,
beseech us all to seek, your gloryola!
Oh, Queen Bee of Chappaqua,
To your glory and appointment,
we cling with ruthless awe!

Oh, Queen Bee, our Hillary,
beseech us all, we bow to thee!

WARNING: Road May Take Sudden Turn In Opposite Direction

Via Daily KOs: [Terry] McAuliffe, circa 2004: Michigan "will not get seated" if they break rules:
"I'm going outside the primary window," [Michigan Sen. Carl Levin] told me definitively.

"If I allow you to do that, the whole system collapses," I said. "We will have chaos. I let you make your case to the DNC, and we voted unanimously and you lost."

He kept insisting that they were going to move up Michigan on their own, even though if they did that, they would lose half their delegates. By that point Carl and I were leaning toward each other over a table in the middle of the room, shouting and dropping the occasional expletive.

"You won't deny us seats at the convention," he said.

"Carl, take it to the bank," I said. "They will not get a credential. The closest they'll get to Boston will be watching it on television. I will not let you break this entire nominating process for one state. The rules are the rules. If you want to call my bluff, Carl, you go ahead and do it."

We glared at each other some more, but there was nothing much left to say. I was holding all the cards and Levin knew it.

[Source: McAuliffe, Terry. What A Party!, p. 325.]

But nevermind, just forget you ever saw that... now, let us resume our sing-a-long. Oh, Queen Bee of Lake Winola, she don't serve no dirty hippies or granola, she wears pantsuits to church, and likes to fish for perch, and drinks Crown Royal with RC Cola!


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