Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Michigan votes: Giuliani charges into last place victory!... 

and mounts aggressive voter outreach effort in Florida" (see photo at left) Off to the Sunshine State where Rudy reminds voters of his commitment to performing at weddings:
"I don't talk about this much, but I did over 200 weddings, I think, as mayor,"
( Newsday )

Yay. And, at least over 197 of those weddings involved someone marrying someone other than Rudy Giuliani! Call 911-Rudy for booking information!

* * * *

Mittens for Michigan:
Mitt Romney celebrates in Michigan (The Dead Battery State) and thanks the Nephite overlord Marcos Moulitsas for the triumphant homecoming victory. Viva The Orange Satan! Long live the Tangerine Spleen! Well, Romney didn't exactly say anything like that but... he was thinkin' it. In any case, its on to South Carolina to wrestle the Confederate flag away from the moaning undead corpse of Fred Thompson. Animis opibusque parati!

aka, McBush!
Finishing 3rd, John McCain: Appearing on stage with wife Cindy on his right arm and his trusty manservant Joe Lieberman hovering over his left shoulder like some kind of weird windswept mushroom spore - Mr Straight Jacket Express congratulated the angel Moroni for his victory and thanked Mexican voters for their support. I mean Michigan voters!... or somebody... anyway... 30%.

Theocrabee crusade to roll on:
Mike "Sprite Lightning" Huckabee, good natured yuckabee of the Wal-Mart State, shalt not be diminished, nor brought low, by his third place finish in Michigan. Nosiree ( for those who sow the wind, for they shall reap the whirlwind!) You know how it goes, and you know who yoooo are. And hence, the Huckabee, will advance on South Carolina (to wrestle the Confederate flag away from the moaning undead corpse of Fred Thompson), etc. Whereupon, and with great joy, a great whoop-n-holler will arise from the faithful and thus all will be gathered as a flock under the one shepherd. And once gathered, and assembled, and generally inspired (more or less), He will make the evangelical home school vote into an invincible vitamin gobbling populist forefront for theocracy, and the consumption tax, and fundamental breeding, and mexicoon hunting, and the weeding of other strange fairies and fruit from God's glorious mellon patch. Be it so praised and traditionally blessed and ordained and represented by Jesus Huckabee Christ and His chosen 100% Right Winged Arch Angels of the SBC/Reconstructionist Christian-Murican remnant people! And so forth.

Ron Paul
Who cares? He's just Huckabee with a better view of the Lake Jackson Plantation.

Fred Thompson
Thompson is like one of those lumbering creatures in a revenge of the mummy horror movie from the 1950s. The kind you see on the classic movie channel late at night. The only thing i can come up with to be rid of him is to somehow lure him into a high powered electrical substation and then instruct the Air Force to blow it all up. Perhaps Mitt Romney and his trusty media pocket protector Joe Scarborough will volunteer - for the job - of luring the mummy to it's shocking doom? And thereby sacrificing themselves for the greater good of mankind. I have a hunch that might be how this particular horror flick scenario will wind out one day soon. Hey, Mittman saved the Olympics didn't he? If Mittman can save the Olympics from whatever it was he saved it from he can also save mankind from the moaning corpse of undead Fred. Do it for the mummies, Mitt!

But then, of course, we'll be left to watch the changling McCain and his weird manspore servant Joe defeat the cross dressing vampire Gooliani by dragging it before a doorlength mirror of it's own refracting twilight and ultimately strangling the miserable creature with it's own ill begotten rosary.

Huckabee - astride the stealth white horse of conquest - will be found wandering the fundraiser wilderness with his screeching remnant jackals until that whole ugly congregate will be scattered to the four winds of the wicket gate by a five star springtide tornado set down by a vengeful Mother Nature. And turned into craft glue! Praise the vernal equinox!

Mike Bloomberg's Lobotomy '08 campaign will, in a publicity stunt sponsored by CNN, vanish over the North Altantic ocean in a hot air ballon piloted by a thrill seeking, dope smuggling, drunken one-eyed Jack Russell terrier named Opal. John McCain will simply drift away into the fog of insanity and be superanuated to some gated green in the Arizona desert and the Green Bay Packers will win the Super Bowl and the China Development Bank will buy CitiCorp and Joe The Wandering Spore Lieberman will become the Republican Party Nominee Celebre. Yee- Harr!

John Edwards will be elected (by a landslide vote) the next president of the United States of America.

See there... i can write happy endings.


corrente SBL - New Location
~ Since April 2010 ~

~ Since 2003 ~

The Washington Chestnut
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