Wednesday, October 05, 2005

President Bush Pays Scottie a Surprise Visit 

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(AP) During a morning briefing with White House beat reporters, Scott McClellan was literally shoved aside by an invigorated and breathless President Bush who grabbed the microphone and said "Hello, Mikey" then looked up and glared at reporters, asking "Who are you?" Following behind him in a tattered skirt and holding a half-filled fluted champagne glass, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice stumbled, righted herself, then sat down on the floor and released a series of finely carbonated belches. Noticing the heel of her shoe was broken, Condi placed the stem in her mouth and tried to smoke it.

President Bush responded by breaking into an impromptu rendition of "Gumby" with his own lyrics: "She can walk into any ditch with her phony pal Peekachu, if you have a heart than Condi will rip it out of you!" Steadying himself at the podium, President Bush took off his pointy party hat, straightened his tie and appeared momentarily to be organizing his Press Secretary's notes. After a brief pause to sniff his fingers, the 43rd President of the United States began tossing each piece of note paper in the air while proclaiming "Bullshit, bullshit--oh, this one is charcoal-filtered bullshit" until he was escorted away by Secret Service, who, to their credit, did not release so much as one guffaw.

In a statement released shortly after these events, the White House has announced that yet another bartender has been given a "...really, really big medal," and has assured the nation that Condi "has a stinky man-hole."

Harriet Miers, who played Alice on the Brady Bunch, just shrugged the whole thing off and continued folding laundry.


Image from here.


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