Saturday, August 20, 2005

President Shit Magnet: I hope Lance Armstrong stayed well clear... 

Or Bush had his training wheels on.

Anyhow, in a well-timed pre-Sabbath Day gasbag move, Bush, in a pathetic attempt to gain a little lustre by associating with real winner—and, no doubt, change the subject from the fact that the Army is planning for keeping troop strength in Iraq at current levels until 2009—broke his vacation schedule to go biking with seven-timeTour de France laureate Lance Armstrong.

[Excuse me a moment. My B.S.S. is spiking again. Where's that damn bucket?]

After all, Bush's history with bicycle riding is, well, about as good as his history with wars of choice. Remember the time Bush was riding too fast in the rain, and took out a cop? Remember the compulsive risk taking? Remember when Bush's flaks
blamed a spill on "wet, loose soil" in Crawford when it hadn't rained in a week?

I'll give 'em wet, loose, soil...

Of course, it would be too much to ask of AP's Judy Miller-Lite, Nedra Pickler, that she point out that President Shit Magnet's bike habit, as we document above, is subject to the usual relentless PR, bungling, and mendacity that we've come to expect from the WhiteWash House.

But before Our Nedra gets out her own kneepads and starts gobbling, can't she at least take a minute to make sure her stories make sense? And where were her editors on this one? Holed up under the same desk as Sulzberger, or what? Get a load of this:

It's not clear whether Lance Armstrong will have to abide by the standard rules for biking with President Bush when the two famously competitive Texans take their first ride together Saturday. The first rule: Don't pass the president.
(via AP)

Jeebus. "Famously competive"?!??!

Armstrong, now, is an actual winner. He stays in front of the pack because he's the best.

But Bush orders his subordinates not to pass him. In what way is that "competive"? Bush—and our Nedra—seem to confuse rigging the game with actually winning it. (Making such a distinction in 2006 might help AP with its election coverage, don't you think?)

In truth, the "No Pass Zone" that Bush has established around His Person is reminiscent of an Imperial court: Any courtier who values his head must never beat the Emperor at anything; the Emperor must always win. In what sense is that "competive"? Seems like one sign of a very weak ego, to me.

"Famously competitive," Nedra? Famously competitive, My Aunt Fanny.

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