Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Science fer GOPers, part 698.054 

Sent to me by a friend, with atribution but no link. I thought it was worth passing on, especially as it came from a South Carolina red-stater:

As America continues the move to supplant Iran as the world's most populous theocracy by 2008, education, particularly in the sciences, needs to begin realignment to reflect the mandate of the 2004 elections. Post-science America will replace liberal and humanist errors with the following truths:

• "Empirical data" is one of satan's favorite playthings.
• Professors shouldn't be allowed to present the "theory" of gravity as fact.
• The federal judiciary leads the army of the anti-Christ.
• As the Bible clearly states, bread is literally Jesus' body; "bakeries" are a giant humanist hoax.
• Condoms actually help the AIDS virus by giving it a little bounce. *
• Mel Gibson was sent by God; Lethal Weapon IV contains biblical meanings. **
• Sex education should give equal time to the possibility of virgin birth; there is, after all, inerrant precedent.
• A squirt of Pat Robertson's hair tonic can cure cancer.
• Many female legislators are witches; others are lesbians; some are both.
• Geometry is just satan's way of getting children to draw his symbols.
• There are no such things as germs; "bacteria" is a secular attempt to explain away evil.
• IMAX theaters are the "satan domes" prophesied in the Bible.
• Global warming is simply a sign that God is responding to the prayers of the northern red states.
• Whenever a paleontologist "...discovers a fossil...", God gets a chuckle.
• Flowers are pollinated by angel fairies, not sexually active insects.

* Already a feature of the current administration's abstinence-based sex "education".
** Maybe not so far off. On 24 May 05, the NRP denounced the recently released Star Wars III as a thinly veiled indictment of the Bush administration.

Please feel free to add your own...

(Thanks to thesmokinggun.com, and Lloyd Dangle)

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