Friday, June 10, 2005

Lynne Cheney's magical history tour... 

or westward ho the civilization!

"STORIES." Via FOX News (where else):

Transcript: Lynne Cheney on American History | Sunday, December 26, 2004

Transcript: Cardinal McCarrick on Christ
WASHINGTON — The following is a transcribed excerpt from 'FOX News Sunday,' December 26, 2004.

WALLACE: Let's talk about family values, which played a big role in this campaign. In the exit poll on Election Day, people were asked, what's the single biggest issue in how you decided your vote? And 22 percent of Americans said moral values.

It was a big surprise to a lot of us in the punditocracy, as they say. Twenty-two percent said moral values, more than chose the war on terrorism, Iraq, the economy, health care. What do you think those people were saying?

CHENEY: Well, I think it's something very, very broad. I got a wonderful letter from Bea Himmelfarb (search). I think of Bill Kristol as her son. This is a wonderful, scholarly woman. She wrote me about my book, "Washington Crossing the Delaware," and said, you know, I think when people were talking about moral values they were talking about patriotism, they were talking about love of country.

I think, to put it even more generally, they were talking about an uncynical approach to our nation and to our national story. There is in the mainstream media -- there has been, I think, in our political life, a real corrosive kind of cynicism, a notion that anytime anything goes right you have to sort of turn your nose up at it and say, "Well, it really wasn't all that great," a kind of undercutting cynicism.

And I think part of that moral-values question related to that, related to the idea that we ought to be able to say, this is a great country. We have made amazing progress in achieving human freedom for ourselves and for people around the world.

Recently I listened to Lynne Cheney (author of wild west lesbian cowboy stories) explain further this corrosive cynicism. In this instance Lady Cheney was cooing and burbling forth on the earlier noted "amazing progress in achieving human freedom for ourselves and for people around the world.", but mostly for ourselves, whoever ourselves is, Lynne Cheney didn't get into specifics. And who needs bother with cranky specifics when you're spilling historical ambrosia all over the dashboard. Not Lynne Cheney, she writes bodice rippers and used to work in a traditional woman's senior fellow shelter at the American Enterprise Institute. God bless you Mrs. Cheney.

By the way, nick, if you're reading this, I am not suggesting that all cowboys are lesbians. Oh hahaha, hell, yes I am. In fact, I myself am a lesbian cowboy. From now on I insist that you all stop calling me "the farmer" and address me henceforth as "the lesbian cowboy." Ok then, now that we've settled that, lets move along.

What was I talking about here? Oh yeah... In this or that case recently Lynne Cheney was reminding listeners that the progress of civil rights - "freedom for ourselves and for people around the world." - etc... and all that. Which in Lynne Cheney's pitch was a good thang, and deserved further emphasis as a condition of a good history education, dontcha know, and who can argue with that.

However, L. Cheney, (praise be unto God) then went on to explain that such, any such, naysayer negativity talk on behalf of (well, you know who) with respect to (well, you know what) was a corrosive and cynicism-like thang --- like you know that part where Big Time Dick (who is Lynne's lesbian chow wagon lover) just so happened to turn up his nose at such corrosions and cynical manipulations as extending the Civil Rights Act and springing Nelson Mandella from the cooler --- both clearly designed by (well, you know who) to defeat the moral and patriotic resolve of your average everyday history customer and ultimately, no doubt, destroy Western Civilization itself. What will we tell the children?

Well, we won't tell them jack shit about why there was a civil-rights movement in the first place apparently. Because that would be corrosive and nose turning. And we won't tell them that a whole lot of Lady Lynne's friends and trail buddies were the reason why America had a civil-rights movement in the first place. Which of course, if you remember the civil-rights movement, was a reaction against a decades old ingrained strain of bigotry sunk deep like a screw worm into the cultural body politic of particular mysterious segments of the nation and those mysterious segments of the right-wing of the Republican party and their poker buddies in the Dixiecrat Dem lost cause ward. Please don't ask me to explain that crap any further...

Just forget that, because, as my new internets pen-pal nick reminds me in comments, unraveling such ugly historical roots (despite being "deceptively easy", apparently) will prove "ultimately fruitless."

"Patriotically embarrassing episodes" will not be televised:
Ten years ago–October 20, 1994 to be exact–brought a screaming headline to the op-ed pages of the Wall Street Journal. Under the title “The End of History,” Lynne Cheney, former head of the National Endowment for the Humanities, maligned the National History Standards that she had funded (along with the Department of Education) as a “grim and gloomy” monument to political correctness. She pronounced the standards project a disaster for giving insufficient attention to Robert E. Lee and the Wright brothers and far too much to obscure figures (such as Harriet Tubman) or patriotically embarrassing episodes (such as the Ku Klux Klan and McCarthyism).

Ms. Cheney, it will be remembered, asked the National Center for History in the Schools at UCLA to coordinate the writing of the standards that Congress had mandated in 1992. The standards were developed over thirty-two months in Los Angeles and Washington with teacher task forces working with academic historians, school administrators, and other history educators. Though approved by a national council, half of whose members were her appointees and endorsed by thirty major professional and public interest organizations, the standards were dismissed by Ms. Cheney as having no redeeming value. Her attack sparked a fierce media debate as the nation prepared for the November 1994 election. ~ Read more: Lynne Cheney's Attack on the History Standards, 10 Years Later (HNN) - By Gary B. Nash - Mr. Nash is Professor Emeritus, UCLA.

Of course the Ku Klux Klan is a rather embarrasing patriotically charged episodic American anomaly. It's a good thing it only lasted ten or fifteen years or who the heck knows it may have had some impact on that civil-rights movement stuff down through the years. And really, do we need to waste valuable quality time explaining an embarrasing chapter like the KKK to America's bright eyed and bushy tailed future generations of go-getters yearing to breath free-booter laissez faire economic quackeries in cheesy repeat after me business schools. I don't think so! Robert E. Lee freed the slaves! And don't you forget it neither.
"in every part of the country, school children are dancing and jumping rope, activities that do not involve competition, instead of playing games like dodgeball, from which a winner emerges."

That of course marked Lynne Cheney's famous Dodgeball Emancipation Movement. Which of course (God willing) will go down in the history books right next to the civil-rights movement and the defeat of the Equal Rights Amendment as another one of the greatest accomplishments of modern enlightened man. The Equal Rights Amendment, if you recall, had it passed, would have required proud patriotic American uber-man to shake dry his large grisly wiener over a urinal while cowboy lesbians giggled like ninnies from the adjacent stalls. You remember the ERA debate right? Of course you do. It's a good thang that the ERA didn't pass because the last thing I want is some cowboy lesbian or Susan Sarandon standing beside me eyeballing my patriotic steely resolve leathernecked wiener while I pee into a porcelain enamel tank. But wait!, I am a cowboy lesbian myself! Which is why....when this blogging crap becomes pretty gawd-awful boring (like right now especially) I think it would be cool to be playing dodgeball with a half dozen scantily clad lesbians all shaking their balls at me. And then after we were done running around and taking cheap shots at each other with each others balls we would drive to Philadelphia and kill some pathetic loser ice cream vendor while quoting from Focault's Madness and Civilization and after that go to a hotel room and shower and play some other games like that dancing game Lynne Cheney mentioned and that smoking ro..., I mean jumping!, heh, I mean jumping rope game, too, yeah, sure... and then...and then, they (the competitive lesbians that is) would feed me quaaludes and we would all drink whiskey sours and watch a winner emerge. Or whatever. But of course that really has nothing at all to do with American history does it? I din't think so. And I trust that none of you will repeat this in front of your civilized western children (even if they are cowboy western lesbian children).

Having put up half the money, she believed she was entitled to the history standards she wanted, guidelines that would exalt traditional heroes, put a happy face on the American past, and broadcast the triumph of western civilization. As Steven J. Ross, chairman of the Department of History at the University of Southern California put it in an op-ed essay in the LA Times on October 13, "Destroying books that disagree with one's vision of history will never take us closer to truth and freedom." John Hergesheimer, a much honored teacher in Whittier, California, took up pen in a letter to the editor of the LA Times to express his dismay “that the routine update of a useful and positive United States government handbook for parents could be hijacked and turned into the personal vehicle for the right-wing views of one person–even if she is the wife of the vice-president.” ~ HNN

Hey, while we're on the subject of the traditional heroes... uhmm... didn't Ronald Reagan and Col. Rhett Ralston liberate Onofre Beach during WW2? I think they did. I heard about it from Andrew Sullivan. Who is not a lesbian or even a cowboy as far as I know but rather a kinda pudgy balding loafer-light bloke from England. So who would know better than he about important Anglo Saxon-like traditional historical heroes? And why isn't Ronald Reagan's liberation of Onofre Beach being taught in 3rd grade western civ history lessons? It's an outrage! Someone get me Lady Cheney on the phone! Right now, BIG TIME!

You there! Gail. Unhand that unbroached maiden and drop the Colt 44 engraved Navy replicas and fetch me the cordless 2.4 gig Uniden and another whiskey sour from the minibar!


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