Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Department of I'm With Stupid 

Yes, you can always count on the House Republicans to stand up and git tough when America's vital interests are at stake. Iraq? No. Loose nukes? No. Keeping the Bill of Rights from being shredded? No. Universal health insurance? Naah, that's for fagotty Europeans (see here for the Southron Baptist perspective on Europeans).

No, the House Republicans aren't detail men. They're into The Big Picture. And what's uppermost on [cough] their minds?

Flag burning. Yes, they've passed another Amendment proposal:

The proposed one-line amendment to the Constitution reads, "The Congress shall have power to prohibit the physical desecration of the flag of the United States." For the language to be added to the Constitution, it must be approved by two-thirds of those present in each chamber, then ratified within seven years by at least 38 state legislatures.
(via AP)

Now, call me crazy, but I always it was only possible to desecrate something sacred. And the dictionary backs me up: "desecration: n. blasphemous behavior; the act of depriving something of its sacred character; "desecration of the Holy Sabbath."

So, since we aren't a theocracy (right?), how is it possible to desecrate the flag? It's not sacred!

But leave that aside. It's really the "physical desecration" part that's got my head spinning, looking for loopholes and workarounds.

I mean, giving the Republicans the benefit here, they aren't prohibiting mental or imaginary desecration of the flag, or looking at artwork descrating the flag... So it's OK to think bad thoughts! Phew!

But suppose I put the flag in a glass fishtank, and then descrated the tank. Would that be physical desecration of the flag? I don't think so—the flag wouldn't be touched! Or suppose I focussed a camera on the flag, and then desecrated the image? Same deal. No harm, no foul! Or suppose I made a cake with Stars and Stripes frosting and then ate the cake? How could feeding myself be desecration? Jesus said: "not what goes into the mouth defiles a man, but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man." (Matthew 15:10-20)

And speaking of the Republicans:

Personally, I can't imagine a greater desecration of the flag than being right at the center of yet another winger circlejerk. Eh?

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