Monday, May 02, 2005
Poop Your Dog at Home
I live next door to an elderly lady who is about 85 years old. She has, quite frankly, gone insane over the last two or three years. She now argues with us about everything and even had the gall to try to get the city to make me put weed killer on my lawn a couple of years ago. Now, admittedly, my lawn has a weed problem (although it is much better now than it was two years ago) but it's really none of her business.
She later tried to get the city to make me cut one of my trees down. Then she fussed at us because our trees were dropping leaves on her lawn. We told her that her trees dropped bags and bags of leaves on our lawn every year but we just raked them up. That's just how it works we told her.
You can imagine our surprise a month later when we came home from Thanksgiving and she had had EVERY TREE in her front yard removed -- all five of them. Holy cow. That's batshit crazy territory there folks.
Now, folks, I don't need to tell you that my neighbor is a conservative Republican, do I? The hypocrisy of a conservative trying to make the city government make me put weed killer on my lawn or cut down my trees is astounding, huh?
Well, as she's fallen more and more prey to what I'm sure is dementia, we've had struggles over everything. I called the city in to mark the property line so I could put a fence up. Well, naturally, we had to argue over that -- and she even stooped so low as to steal the property line markers five or six times. The fence served two purposes. It kept my dog in and it kept her out. After our little row about the weed killer, she began to spray Round Up weed killer 15-20 feet into my yard. She even killed one of my best patches of grass! Neighbors also began to tell me that she'd go prowling around in our backyard when we were out of town.
Well, anyway, two days ago, she put up a sign in the middle of her yard.
It reads:
Poop your dog at home
Or plan to pay my taxes.
Now, let's not wallow around in the fact that the sign is illiterate and ungrammatical.
What does it mean? Does it mean she plans to sue someone whose dog craps in her yard and then use that money to pay her dreaded property taxes on her home?
(And, by the way, property taxes here in red state Maryville, Missouri are next to nothing. Her property taxes on her house are probably $800. Mine are $750.)
Honestly, folks, help me out here.
What the hell does that sign mean?
She later tried to get the city to make me cut one of my trees down. Then she fussed at us because our trees were dropping leaves on her lawn. We told her that her trees dropped bags and bags of leaves on our lawn every year but we just raked them up. That's just how it works we told her.
You can imagine our surprise a month later when we came home from Thanksgiving and she had had EVERY TREE in her front yard removed -- all five of them. Holy cow. That's batshit crazy territory there folks.
Now, folks, I don't need to tell you that my neighbor is a conservative Republican, do I? The hypocrisy of a conservative trying to make the city government make me put weed killer on my lawn or cut down my trees is astounding, huh?
Well, as she's fallen more and more prey to what I'm sure is dementia, we've had struggles over everything. I called the city in to mark the property line so I could put a fence up. Well, naturally, we had to argue over that -- and she even stooped so low as to steal the property line markers five or six times. The fence served two purposes. It kept my dog in and it kept her out. After our little row about the weed killer, she began to spray Round Up weed killer 15-20 feet into my yard. She even killed one of my best patches of grass! Neighbors also began to tell me that she'd go prowling around in our backyard when we were out of town.
Well, anyway, two days ago, she put up a sign in the middle of her yard.
It reads:
Poop your dog at home
Or plan to pay my taxes.
Now, let's not wallow around in the fact that the sign is illiterate and ungrammatical.
What does it mean? Does it mean she plans to sue someone whose dog craps in her yard and then use that money to pay her dreaded property taxes on her home?
(And, by the way, property taxes here in red state Maryville, Missouri are next to nothing. Her property taxes on her house are probably $800. Mine are $750.)
Honestly, folks, help me out here.
What the hell does that sign mean?
