Saturday, April 02, 2005
Beloved: Come Walk With Me In The Vineyard
Mr P-Niss gets mail just like anyone else out there and sometimes he even reads it. And sometimes he even responds. And sometimes he don't do either. And sometimes he is a sad blue p-niss who lays around all day trying to summon the strenght to arise, like a phoenix, from the ashes of despair and rejection and alcohol poisoning. And some days Mr. P-Niss gets a letter that just makes Mr. P-Niss remember that no matter how blue and screwy and downright forgotten Mr. P-Niss feels there are joyous souls out there who love and care and seek out Mr. P-Niss's guidance and blessings. Case in point.
From Racheal Jones (RACHEALJONES@terra.es), who writes:
Dearest beloved Racheal,
Thank you for the letter. It is pronounced "eel" isn't it? Anyway, "calvery" greetings to you too! Mr. P-Niss was delighted to read your email, especially the subject line, which stirred Mr P-Niss from his current funk and swelled him with hope and reinvigorated his faith in the precious possibilities of salvation through ministry. Praise
Obviously, Racheal, you are more than welcome to join Mr. P-Niss's ministry in the vineyard. As a matter of fact I can't think of a better place for you to join up. Especially since the anti-ministry pagan demon Ms V-Niss will be casting spells around the house of P-Niss all this week. The vineyard makes sense. Do you know how to get to the vineyard?
Just as an afterthought: 1- Do you have your own reliable transportation? 2- Have you told anyone else about the ministry in the vineyard? 3- Do you have any brothers who own firearms? Just wondering. It's really not important so don't let any of that discourage you if the answer to any of the above inquiry is NO. We will work something out. I can assure you that.
Also. Do you own a loose fitting blouse with a couple of buttons missing? How about a pair of red high heels and those little white ruffly ankle socks and a short sheer flouncy skirt that flutters about in the moist night air? Bring them along because working in the vineyard in confining conservative clothing can become very uncomfortable especially on warm spring evenings when the sap is running in the sugar maples and the coyotes are howling along the ridgeline. And nothing stirs the sweet Jesus and family values in Mr. P-Niss like a pair of those little white ruffly ankle socks enhancing the fetching fleshy backside calves of the leg between smooth tawny ankle and bowed knee. Where do you think high school football and Miss Texas Teenage Calvinist beauty pageants come from anyway? God Bless the calvery!
When it comes to "positions of authority in virtually every field of human endeavours" you can be sure that all your precious position needs are in good hands at the P-Nissification Vineyard Ministry.
Services begin at 11pm. Try to be prompt and please don't tell any anti-saviour unbelievers about this. Especially if they have reliable transportation and/or own firearms.
Yours in the end times,
Pastor P-Niss.
The P-Nissification Vineyard Ministry.
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From Racheal Jones (RACHEALJONES@terra.es), who writes:
Beloved,
calvery greetings to you in the precious name of our lord and saviour, Jesus Christ. We bless the name of the Lord for what he is using us to achieve all over the world in this end-times. Having watched global events for sometime now,it is obvious that more and more christians are assuming positions of authority in virtually every field of human endeavours;in
Economically,academically,politically etc. I would like to support your ministry activities for projects and its cost of execution, may God bless us all as we work in his vineyard.
racheal
Dearest beloved Racheal,
Thank you for the letter. It is pronounced "eel" isn't it? Anyway, "calvery" greetings to you too! Mr. P-Niss was delighted to read your email, especially the subject line, which stirred Mr P-Niss from his current funk and swelled him with hope and reinvigorated his faith in the precious possibilities of salvation through ministry. Praise
Obviously, Racheal, you are more than welcome to join Mr. P-Niss's ministry in the vineyard. As a matter of fact I can't think of a better place for you to join up. Especially since the anti-ministry pagan demon Ms V-Niss will be casting spells around the house of P-Niss all this week. The vineyard makes sense. Do you know how to get to the vineyard?
Just as an afterthought: 1- Do you have your own reliable transportation? 2- Have you told anyone else about the ministry in the vineyard? 3- Do you have any brothers who own firearms? Just wondering. It's really not important so don't let any of that discourage you if the answer to any of the above inquiry is NO. We will work something out. I can assure you that.
Also. Do you own a loose fitting blouse with a couple of buttons missing? How about a pair of red high heels and those little white ruffly ankle socks and a short sheer flouncy skirt that flutters about in the moist night air? Bring them along because working in the vineyard in confining conservative clothing can become very uncomfortable especially on warm spring evenings when the sap is running in the sugar maples and the coyotes are howling along the ridgeline. And nothing stirs the sweet Jesus and family values in Mr. P-Niss like a pair of those little white ruffly ankle socks enhancing the fetching fleshy backside calves of the leg between smooth tawny ankle and bowed knee. Where do you think high school football and Miss Texas Teenage Calvinist beauty pageants come from anyway? God Bless the calvery!
When it comes to "positions of authority in virtually every field of human endeavours" you can be sure that all your precious position needs are in good hands at the P-Nissification Vineyard Ministry.
Services begin at 11pm. Try to be prompt and please don't tell any anti-saviour unbelievers about this. Especially if they have reliable transportation and/or own firearms.
Yours in the end times,
Pastor P-Niss.
The P-Nissification Vineyard Ministry.
Mr P-Niss is a rogue element of the Corrente blog. No one actually knows who Mr. P-Niss is and for the most part have no control over what Mr. P-Niss does or says. Which is probably best for almost everyone concerned. Especially Mr. P-Niss's angry family (take my word for it). But, it is the belief that, since Ana Marie Cox at Wonkette can rope in a half a million hits (+ -) a day writing ass-fuck jokes it seems reasonable, if not good business, to allow Mr. P-Niss to continue dicking around - full zipper down - no matter how many miles and miles and miles of innocent blog space he defiles in the name of pointless self flagellating attention seeking bad taste. Or maybe not. Who really cares. Please feel free to stick your 665 (one short of the devil) comments on the matter into the blistering conversation thread below. Go ahead. Mr. P-Niss isn't going to take any of them even remotely seriously anyway. Unless you promise to meet Pastor P-Niss, along the low road, in a vineyard, at midnight. -- These, afterall, are the final days.
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