Friday, March 25, 2005

True P-Niss Friday - The Sum Dum Loon Challenge 

Greetings feeble minded mortal children of Republicanism. The True P-Niss demands your upright attention!

Stand erect and face the True P-Niss you simpering pussies! Listen:

It looks like Rev. Moon and us agree on something. He is pissed that there isn't enough media coverage of Republicans' endorsement of him as the Messiah at various government buildings. And he's raging against his followers, threatening to sell his newspaper...fun stuff. ~ via John Gorenfeld

(Fun stuff indeed. I hope that tugboat cracker Hal Lindsey isn't in the market for a cheap sheet. That's all I need. Heh. Just forget I said that please.)

Well, anyway, it has come to the attention of the True P-Niss, messianic father of humanity and savoir son of The Great Big Toe (sole creator of the vast cosmos and other stuff), that many conservative Republicans continue to resist the beckon of my righteous message. I say to you who resist the True P-Niss Calling to beware of such disregard for your oversight of The True P-Niss and the ways of the P-Nissification Church. Do not fondle this warning lightly! For the True P-Niss holds your sweaty quivering nuts in his firm grip and will crush them like garden snails if you do not heed his bidding.

I say to you this: I offer you a challenge which you will meet or I shall be forced to throttle your voices in your throats and make you silent and cast you into the viper jaws of effeminate liberalism where you will be forced to labor for eternity as hog tied bitches and mincing toothless eunichs slobbering like whelps in the pimply lap of SATAN!

"How come our media is silent. If you just keep silent I will challenge you. You have to write correct articles or maybe we should sell those newspapers!!!"

I command you to write for me CORRECT ARTICLES which will deliver my message of truth to the peoples of world and shepherd them to glorious unity with the True P-Niss and the Higher Law and the humanitarian love mission of the P-Nissification Org.

Hear me, I have sheltered you, I have given to you my organ, my newspapers, my media panoply, to cloak you in the bitter cold of conservatism's winter, and to allow you to warm at my hearth asking only that you call attention to my sacred mission and the greater glories of The Great Big Toe who has sent me to you, to lead the people, on the path to True salvation and global happiness. The CAUSE of Toeism. Yet, obstinately, some of you still challenge me with your wavering silence! No more! No more I say to you NO MORE! I challenge you now! Do NOT diddle with my organ in such a manner or the I will strike your tongues mute, throw-up a demon seed into the plams of your hands, cut off your crooked keyborad typing fingers, and shove each one straight up your blasphemous collective ass one bloody twitching stub at a time!

I will saw down my 'Chestnut' as one gnashing beaver might down a sapling to construct a new dam. I will dissolve your dreams with my poisonous sting! And I will suck the precious bodily fluids from your wretched cavity the way a scorpion sucks the liquidated innards from a cockroach! And I will leave you behind a dry and lifeless shell.

Hear me fetchlings! You are nothing without the Higher Love of his holiness the True P-Niss. Do you understand what I am saying to you? You'd better, if you know what's good for you. Ok then. Report to the Great Hall of Cockrings and Coronations. Your GOP Congressman will meet you there and you will be escorted smiling to your next assignment.

Thank you for your attention; for the True P-Niss loves you as his cherished children and only asks for your blessings.

Yours in Toe,
- The Rev. Sum Dum Loon (The True P-Niss)

Pictured at left: The Great Big Toe, creator of the cosmos and other stuff.

Elsewhere in the News:
Amazing revelations about one man's quest to turn stoners into anti-drug zombies using Abu Ghraib-like methods -- and how he's been rewarded by the Bush family as a hero.Melvin Sembler, U.S. Ambassador to Italy


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