Sunday, March 13, 2005

Those Other Commandments, or, TC v. 2.0 

We all remember the scene, right, in "History of the World Part I" where Moses (played far more convincingly by Mel Brooks than he ever was by Charlton Heston, although Mel starts out with the unfair advantage of being, like, Jewish) is coming down Mt. Sinai with the three stone tablets, until he shouts to the mob of calf-worshipping, jewelry-melting, bacon-eating, mother-raping, father-stabbing, father raping...oops, wrong movie, anyway, the generally badly-behaving Hebrews, "I bring you the fifteen.." at which point one of the tablets slips out of his hands and shatters on the mountainside...."the Ten Commandments!"

Haven't you always wondered what those Missing Five would have been? A guy name of David Hampton from the Jackson Clarion-Ledger explains it all to you:
"Gabriel! Gabriel! What is all of this flap about my 10 Commandments?"

"It's the Americans again, Lord. They are fighting about where their government can post the commandments. It's gone all the way to their Supreme Court."

"Didn't I make it clear that the important thing is to obey them? I know I put them on stone tablets, but that was only to help Moses out. They should be written on the heart. Didn't I say that?"

"Yes, Lord, but now politics has gotten involved in it and. . ."

"Politics. Nothing political ever comes from heaven. Politics comes from the other place. I guess I should have left that commandment in about separation of church and state. I thought they were smart enough to figure that out."
We make the obligatory snip here to avoid getting spanked by the copyright quibblers, and to prompt a few folks to reward the C-L with a few hits for being brave enough to run stuff like this. We return for the Grand Finale...
"No. 14. Thou shalt not pander. I hate pandering. It's like bribery or lying. Oh, we did get lying in the first 10 didn't we?"

"Yes, Lord."

"No. 15. Thou shalt not take the Lord, thy God's name in vain."

"That's in first 10, too, Lord."

"I know. I want to underline it. They obviously didn't understand it if they are passing laws to use my commandments for political purposes. That'll do for now."

"Yes, Lord. Want me to put them on the tablets and light up another bush?"

"No. E-mail them. Priority 1."
Heh. Now if you live in a state where they're pushing this Rock Worshipping crap, quit humming "Alice's Restaurant" for long enough to email this column to those who need to read it.

corrente SBL - New Location
~ Since April 2010 ~

~ Since 2003 ~

The Washington Chestnut
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