Sunday, March 13, 2005
Goodnight, moon
I knew there was something I forgot to explain about The Mighty Corrente Building; it's so vast it's easy to leave things out, and since riggsveda is new, I feel a duty to explain. I always get hung up when I mention the wet bar or the mushroom cellars and lose the damn thread.
Anyhow, The Mighty Corrente has a profusion of departments. They're listed in more or less alphabetical order on a seemingly numberless series of highly polished brass plates in the Great Hall, on your left as you enter the building. In fact, there are so many departments that the typesize used on the plates is extremely small, so for your convenience, there are several magnifying glasses hanging from the wall.... Or you can just ask one of the uniformed doormen for directions.
These are some of the Departments. In no particular order:
As it turns out, I don't know where in the builing most of these departments are (again, ask a doorman). I know the Department of Changing the Subject is on the 13th floor (take any elevator), and there's a vile rumor going around that they're going to replace the wet bar with The Department of No! They Would Never Do That! The Department of How Stupid Do They Think We Are? isn't really in The Mighty Corrente Building at all; it's in a satellite office way the hell over in Camden, the one with the neon sign on the roof of a dog listening for His Master's Voice. Ask any receptionist for a map; tell 'em Lambert sent you.
But you know, I'm looking over those Department names, and there's a tone to them... Could it be that they're snarky? Heaven forfend! I can't imagine how that came to happen; I've always tried so hard to avoid snark and be civil.
Readers, do we need to cultivate a more variegated and positive outlook? If so, how on earth are we to do it?
Anyhow, The Mighty Corrente has a profusion of departments. They're listed in more or less alphabetical order on a seemingly numberless series of highly polished brass plates in the Great Hall, on your left as you enter the building. In fact, there are so many departments that the typesize used on the plates is extremely small, so for your convenience, there are several magnifying glasses hanging from the wall.... Or you can just ask one of the uniformed doormen for directions.
These are some of the Departments. In no particular order:
- Department of How Stupid Do They Think We Are?
- Department of Changing The Subject
- Department of No! They Would Never Do That!
- Department of No Shit, Sherlock
- Department of One Hardly Knows What to Say
- Department of Cheap Little Ironies
- Department of Closing the Barn Door After The Horse is Gone
- Department of "Oh, come on. Can they be serious?"
- Department of Translation
- Department of Vile Rumors (My Pet Goat)
- Department of "They Made My Head Explode Again"
As it turns out, I don't know where in the builing most of these departments are (again, ask a doorman). I know the Department of Changing the Subject is on the 13th floor (take any elevator), and there's a vile rumor going around that they're going to replace the wet bar with The Department of No! They Would Never Do That! The Department of How Stupid Do They Think We Are? isn't really in The Mighty Corrente Building at all; it's in a satellite office way the hell over in Camden, the one with the neon sign on the roof of a dog listening for His Master's Voice. Ask any receptionist for a map; tell 'em Lambert sent you.
But you know, I'm looking over those Department names, and there's a tone to them... Could it be that they're snarky? Heaven forfend! I can't imagine how that came to happen; I've always tried so hard to avoid snark and be civil.
Readers, do we need to cultivate a more variegated and positive outlook? If so, how on earth are we to do it?
