Sunday, March 27, 2005
Welcome terreplein dwellers. In the immortal words of the cosmic pilot Criswell:
Greetings, my friends. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember, my friends, future events such as these will affect you in the future.
America: Why are there so few gay astronauts?
The responses nearly write themselves. Larry Summers will either face censure from the academic community or be hailed as its martyred prince for speaking the un-PC truth that homosexuals have a genetic aversion to space travel. Kevin Drum, after a severe upbraiding from the gay astronaut community, will contritely admit that there are more gay astronauts than he had previously thought and wish them well. Maureen Dowd will pen a piece in which she states that gay astronauts don't want to date her because her success and self-reliance are too intimidating for them. Susan Estrich will state that she hopes her children will grow up in a world where gay astronauts travel freely through the cosmos. One of the RenewAmerica chuds will point to the presence of homosexuals in the space program as evidence that Rapture is nearly upon us. John Derbyshire will propose a constitutional amendment outlawing gay astronauts from the space program; Eugene Volokh will state that while he doesn't see the immediate necessity for such an amendment, he won't definitively state his opposition to it. Boifromtroy will claim a gay astronaut came onto him at Here. Wall Street Journal will admonish the left that if they ever want to see gay astronauts up in space, they better line up behind President Bush's Purple Mountains Majesty Act that allows the strip-mining of national parks. Cathy Seipp will bitch that her perspective as a freelancing single mother makes her the obvious go-to person for gay astronaut punditry, but the elite media's long-standing bias against Cathy Seipp prevents her from getting published.
Forsooth: Celebrate... Resurrection...
homo gallacticus: Dr Smith. Remember. "Lost In Space". Stick with me here... "The Ruler" Bunny Breckenridge. No? Yes? Well...
Imagine: Andrew Sullivan orbiting Venus.
Born of Chaos at the moment of Mother Earth. Google these words 2005 years from now - time flys - it'll be here before you know it. Really:
Colonel Tom Edwards: Why is it so important that you want to contact the governments of our earth?
Eros: Because of death. Because all you of Earth are idiots.
Jeff Trent: Now you just hold on, Buster.
Eros: No, you hold on. First was your firecracker, a harmless explosive. Then your hand grenade: you began to kill your own people, a few at a time. Then the bomb. Then a larger bomb: many people are killed at one time. Then your scientists stumbled upon the atom bomb, split the atom. Then the hydrogen bomb, where you actually explode the air itself. Now you can arrange the total destruction of the entire universe served by our sun: The only explosion left is the Solaranite.
Colonel Tom Edwards: Why, there's no such thing.
Colonel Tom Edwards: You speak of Solaranite. But just what is it?
Eros: Take a can of your gasoline. Say this can of gasoline is the sun. Now, you spread a thin line of it to a ball, representing the earth. Now, the gasoline represents the sunlight, the sun particles. Here we saturate the ball with the gasoline, the sunlight. Then we put a flame to the ball. The flame will speedily travel around the earth, back along the line of gasoline to the can, or the sun itself. It will explode this source and spread to every place that gasoline, our sunlight, touches. Explode the sunlight here, gentlemen, you explode the universe. Explode the sunlight here and a chain reaction will occur direct to the sun itself and to all the planets that sunlight touches, to every planet in the universe. This is why you must be stopped. This is why any means must be used to stop you. In a friendly manner or as (it seems) you want it.
Recall the immortal chilling words of the "Gravedigger":
I don't like hearing noises, especially when there ain't supposed to be any.
"The Greatest Story Ever Told." meets "The worst movie ever made."
Bake a ham for Jesus.