Thursday, March 31, 2005

Crib Songs: New collection of Jeff "Lick-n-Stick" Gannon's Greatest Swiped Hits...! 

The Plagarism Basement Tapes !!!!!
Many of you will remember JD "Meat Cannon" Gannon's controversial first major full exposure CD release titled "Blue Moves; Crossing the Red State Line," which of course contained the number one chartbuster coast to coast monster hit "White House Meat Cannon" and the haunting ballad "Scotty Got a Pretty Mouth."

Most of you probably have a copy of that punk-n-bugger classic shoved up, I mean inserted in, I mean spinning on, I mean lying over and over and over again... I mean, oh just forget it.

Playing!, yes, playing, that's it, playing itself out on your groovy CD pop and skip recording player machine right now as I write. Kick out the jams motherfuckers!

Anyway, "Blue Moves" was a major label release (as those things go) and became a cult classic with not only the methamphetamine gobbling glue sniffers loitering in front of slop shoots like Little Mean Footlickers but also with the Anti-Idyllitarian RottLiar mutts and the wavy-dooed elitist Claremonte Institute fellows, buddies, lawyers, and high priced sky-box glory hole seekers from such altars to feculent nasalized greed as Power Swine dot something or other. Power Swine, by the way, being Time magazine's corporate elitist GOP whore-dog-blog of the year award winner. Just in case you were wondering who walked away with last year's Time magazine wavy-dooed nasal voiced media lap-dog clown and pony show blogging honor.

Many of you will also recognize some of Jeff "JD" Guckert Gannon's previous efforts. "Mal4Male" for instance. Which was genuine Gannon/Guckert. However, for the most part, almost all of Gannon's material has been lifted directly from the lyric sheets of those who actually wrote the original tunes. Although, several rare outtakes may have been actually written entirely by Gannon/Guckert himself. Including "Park Bench Problem Personality" and "Pedophile Scandal," which dates back to 1989. And then there is the eerily titled "Johnny Gosch, Iowa Paperboy" for which reamins a mystery to this day.

Many of the recent "political period" garage band "chop shop" cut-n-paste singles and hits were produced right in Bobby Eberle's famous "plagarism factory". Or, "The Factory," as all the Kool-Aid guzzling RepubliCons like to call it. -- But, be careful Redneck Rose, don't drink too much of the "Purple Kristol!" It'll give ya two faced babies that grow up to be four feet tall adults and the next dang thing ya'll know you'll be living in Manhattan and calling people doll and whisking the little ones off to Gay Head for summer vacations! Fancy that.

Anyway. Off we go...

Now, as an exclusive offer, we have made available dozens of Jeff "JD" Gannon's most endearing hits. Hits that he stole word for word from someone else at some point in time! Where else could you find a deal like that? Surely you will all fondly recall such memorable jots as "One of the slain" and "Roads leading to Tikrit" originally written and performed by the Associated Press but later adapted by Jeff Gannon's Talon News Playboys.

How about "Medicine for the mentally ill" by the USA Today? As well as everyone's rockin' favorites: "A two-day celebration", "The nation's largest daily", "Patriotism to promote", and "Those who spoke out", --- all originally by Dockendorf but completely ripped off by Jeff Gannon and re-recorded for your "Factory" manufactured listening pleasure!

And of course there was Jeff's heart rending performance of the old time gospel tunes: "Antiquated tax", "Statewide lottery" and "The raising of [the] taxes." - All originally penned and performed by Bob Allen and the Associate Baptist Press Cowbell and Kingdom Come Kazoo Band.

Yes, my friends, you too can now make these amazing historic plagarized hits your very own cherished possessions! Plagarism performed by the very con-artist that the National Press Club in Warshington DC recently praised as an important news maker! Or something important. Important enough to invite this very plagarist (the celebrated Jeff Gannon) to the National Press Club's next pow-wow on journalistic ethics and blogging and hemming and hawing and eating shit at buffet tables along with other high priests and priestesses of the blogging glitterati. A regualar Delphic oracle. Even Mr. P-Niss has reconsidered and may attend, assuming he will be allowed to tell penis jokes and bring along the sacred stone omphalos, navel to the world. So...

Roll out the bunting, book the high school marching band, chill the Chateau St. Michelle, and line up the gaggers along the service bar! Kick out the jams motherfuckers!

Yes, it's all true. But, forget all that excitment for now. What's important now is that all these hits can be yours today for absolutely no money down and nothing more than the simple click of a mouse key. And these hits and many more are all contained on the Jeff Guckert Gannon Talon News Collection of "Greatest Plagarism Hits; Volume Ongoing!" Many produced by the great Bobby Eberle of GOPUSA fame which includes the live boggie-woogie duet of Jeff Gannon and Bobby "the Eagle List" Eberle himself collaborating and performing their show stopping cage rattler "threw down the guntlet," which they ripped off from some honky tonk press release or wire service caterwauler somewhere down the road at some dusty god forsaken crossroads or another. Who knows. Whats important is that it's all recorded for you to enjoy - all this and more - and it can be all yours at the low low price of $0. Thats right! $0! Nothing. Nada. Not one guckert fucking dollar vowel or dime!

And that's the beauty of it. Just pry open your beautiful minds and it's all free for the takin'! I know, it's hard to believe, but please - let Ron at Why Are We Back In Iraq tell you more about this amazing generous offer: GO! - HURRY - DON'T MISS OUT ON THE PLAGARISM FUN!

Or, to visit the most recent resources available on the Jeff Gannon collectors edition offer, see the following recent reviews:

Jeff Gannon Likes To Plagiarize The Associated Press (AP ApeMan - Live Monkey Bidness!)

Jeff Gannon The Plagiarist (Dockendorf sessions)

Somebody Stop Him (Still palgarizing after all these years!)

Big News To Come !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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