Saturday, February 12, 2005

Purity test: God help us all, the Republicans are running on purity 

I hope the taxpayer's aren't funding this, but somehow I have the feeling they are:

In Arkansas, Gov. Mike Huckabee and his wife, Janet, will renew their wedding vows in the presence of hundreds of other couples at a ceremony promoting the state's covenant marriage law - a voluntary system that makes divorce harder to obtain. "The nation will be watching as we take a stand for marriage," the Huckabees' invitation says.

"This fun-filled, romantic evening will encourage and equip you as a couple to go the distance," said the Huckabees' invitation, which promised entertainment from a Grammy-winning gospel singer and inspirational speeches from marriage experts.

The governor, in a telephone interview, said he wants to make more Arkansans aware of covenant marriage - an option in which couples pledge to go through lengthy counseling before any divorce, unless there is a dramatic factor such as physical abuse.

"We're trying to combat the idea that covenant marriage is some kind of holier-than-thou religious act," said Huckabee. "It's an admission on our part that keeping a marriage together is very hard work; it's a commitment that if the marriage hits a crisis, we'll see counselors before we see lawyers - and see if we can work it out."

Arkansas has one of the nation's highest divorce rates. Thus far, few couples have exercised the option of covenant marriage - about 600 in three years out of roughly 40,000 marriages that occur annually in the state.
(via AP)

Doesn't sound like "covenant marriage"—hey, how's that for mixing church and state?—is doing too well. To the wingers, of course, that's just a sign that they should redouble their efforts...

Yep, what we need is, um, "national renewal"—followed, naturally, by "cleansing" of impure....

But the question that remains is this:

How do the wingers know they are pure?!

Fortunately, science—assuming that computer science is indeed a science, a topic for another day—has come to the rescue in the form of the purity test!

Answer 500 simple questions, and find out how pure you are!

There is, naturellement, software to construct your own purity test. Readers, anyone out there for constructing a winger purity test?

Man, it's pure something, anyhow...

Bill! Put down that loofah! Rush! Keep your hands away from your mouth! Jerry! Oh, Jerry... Newtie! Wait 'til after your wife gets her cancer operation done before you give her the divorce papers, m'kay? Georgie! Put down that frog!

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