Monday, January 17, 2005
Theatrum Absurdus ~ Roger Ailes steals the show!
America votes!
Corrente Poll #001 results. Jan. 2005 - Final tally of 234 votes.
Bay Buchanan's Abstinence Only Island came on strong in the homestretch and finished in second place while Dan Rather's train-song-sing-a-long, looking good out of the gate, slipped back into the fifth position where it eventually died to a slow agonized trot.
Not, however, as slow and agonized as Jack Cafferty's Big Bopper mixer, which, if you think about it, conjures up a repulsive array of Aqua Velva moment sponsorship possibilities. Jack did however generate five votes. Which is probably a fairly accurate reflection of the number of actual viewers who think CNN's American Morning is worth the oxygen it sucks up on any given weekday.
I was also impressed by our readers enthusiasm for the sport of ice fishing and am now convinced that Kate O'Beirne could give Hank Parker a pretty good run for his money in this regard. The Gingrich-Santorum book tour at #4 was also a strong finish but not strong enough to warrant a panic. At least not yet. Sleep with one eye open.
So congratulations to the baldhead bloater Roger Ailes for his landslide victory. Saddly, I've been unable to locate a death adder for a televised naked wrestle to the grave main event. And I even called the local Pentacostal church. Nuttin'. Not a hissin' thang. They didn't even have an old jaded milk snake lying around the place. Old time serpent handling hootenanny Christianity just ain't what it used to be. I guess.
It also seems that it is a violation of the US postal laws to ship live Australian death adders through the mail. Just one more example of despotic government regulations carving away at our freedoms. It's an OUTRAGE! American's should all fight passionately for their God-given natural law right to ship and receive poisonous snakes and bugs in the mail. And that includes fire ants! Send a box of fire ants to Dennis Hastert today. Let him know you're serious about you're animal mail rights.
Fortunately, I was able to contact a delightful Australian named Beth Adder through the despotic postal service. And guesss what?! Beth and her twin sister Margo will be appearing with Roger Ailes in a Murdoch/Charing Cross/Farmtoons production of "Flesh and the Auferstehung" at London's famous Kabarett Streifen Necken strip tease theater later this month! You are all invited to attend the premiere. Just tell the ticket guy at the door that Corrente sent you. He'll know what you mean.
The program features Prince Harry and FOXNews metrosexual male-anchor Cal Cameron (pictured at left) in cameo roles as the Duke and Dutchess of Windsor. Should be a batty bee's knees slap-up sexy beltin' good show.
What the hell, it could of been worse. You could of all wound up being subjected to an evening of Jack Cafferty doing the 'bunny-hug' with Candy Crowley.
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Corrente Poll #001 results. Jan. 2005 - Final tally of 234 votes.
[Q] Which would you most like to see on TV in 2005?
#1- A fat naked Roger Ailes wrestling an Australian death adder: 64% [150 votes]
#2- Bay Buchanan's Abstinence Only Island (reality TV): 9% [22 votes]
#3- Ice fishing in Northern Michigan with Kate O'Beirne: 9% [21 votes]
#4- Live coverage of the Gingrich-Santorum 2008 'Get to Know Ya' booktour: 9% [20 votes]
#5- Dan Rather singing train songs and eating chili dogs: 7% [16 votes]
#6- Jack Cafferty's Big Bopper Dance Party!: 2% [5 votes]
Bay Buchanan's Abstinence Only Island came on strong in the homestretch and finished in second place while Dan Rather's train-song-sing-a-long, looking good out of the gate, slipped back into the fifth position where it eventually died to a slow agonized trot.
Not, however, as slow and agonized as Jack Cafferty's Big Bopper mixer, which, if you think about it, conjures up a repulsive array of Aqua Velva moment sponsorship possibilities. Jack did however generate five votes. Which is probably a fairly accurate reflection of the number of actual viewers who think CNN's American Morning is worth the oxygen it sucks up on any given weekday.
I was also impressed by our readers enthusiasm for the sport of ice fishing and am now convinced that Kate O'Beirne could give Hank Parker a pretty good run for his money in this regard. The Gingrich-Santorum book tour at #4 was also a strong finish but not strong enough to warrant a panic. At least not yet. Sleep with one eye open.
So congratulations to the baldhead bloater Roger Ailes for his landslide victory. Saddly, I've been unable to locate a death adder for a televised naked wrestle to the grave main event. And I even called the local Pentacostal church. Nuttin'. Not a hissin' thang. They didn't even have an old jaded milk snake lying around the place. Old time serpent handling hootenanny Christianity just ain't what it used to be. I guess.
It also seems that it is a violation of the US postal laws to ship live Australian death adders through the mail. Just one more example of despotic government regulations carving away at our freedoms. It's an OUTRAGE! American's should all fight passionately for their God-given natural law right to ship and receive poisonous snakes and bugs in the mail. And that includes fire ants! Send a box of fire ants to Dennis Hastert today. Let him know you're serious about you're animal mail rights.
Fortunately, I was able to contact a delightful Australian named Beth Adder through the despotic postal service. And guesss what?! Beth and her twin sister Margo will be appearing with Roger Ailes in a Murdoch/Charing Cross/Farmtoons production of "Flesh and the Auferstehung" at London's famous Kabarett Streifen Necken strip tease theater later this month! You are all invited to attend the premiere. Just tell the ticket guy at the door that Corrente sent you. He'll know what you mean.
The program features Prince Harry and FOXNews metrosexual male-anchor Cal Cameron (pictured at left) in cameo roles as the Duke and Dutchess of Windsor. Should be a batty bee's knees slap-up sexy beltin' good show.
What the hell, it could of been worse. You could of all wound up being subjected to an evening of Jack Cafferty doing the 'bunny-hug' with Candy Crowley.
*
