corrente

Earlier post: Lambert asks, "How should we respond to this?" (scroll down a couple of posts) Or use this back link


As i've mentioned in an earlier post (below: Steal This Bible - Crusade 2008) i've decided to help advance the new faith based Jesus Shoutin' Liberal Agenda. Thats why I've also decided that i will try to point out in all future posts (for the next four years) why i think Republican Jesus and Mandate Christianity is relevant to almost any issue that can possibly be thunk on.

And to be honest its a little liberating. I can feel the scales falling from my eyes and the cold binding chains of reality falling from my shoulders as I write to you here and now. Thine eyes are lifted to the hand hewed box wood rafters of my splendorous sprawling loft office here within the bosom of the Corrente Building. Gilded cages filled with twittering turtle doves sing hyms of joy and redemtion as the luminous visage of the Rev. G. W. Bailey [ironic signs and wonders creationist designer monogram note: GWB], "pastor of the Mt. Sinai Institutional Baptist Church at Conemaugh" hovers in the upper right hand corner of the room like some kind of skittish aeriform marshland gas.

Why pastor Bailey you ask? Well, I'll tell you in a minute, but first I want to remind you of new developtments in the advancement of science larnin'. Creation "Science" larnin' that is.

First (thanks to "editoress" for pointing to this Fabulous News):

Wis. City's Schools Allowing Creationism | By Associated Press | November 6, 2004, 7:30 PM EST.

GRANTSBURG, Wis. -- The city's school board has revised its science curriculum to allow the teaching of creationism, prompting an outcry from more than 300 educators who urged that the decision be reversed.

School board members believed that a state law governing the teaching of evolution was too restrictive. The science curriculum "should not be totally inclusive of just one scientific theory," said Joni Burgin, superintendent of the district of 1,000 students in northwest Wisconsin. - Read more here

Next here / Kansas:
Posted on Sat, Nov. 06, 2004 | Creation, evolution back on agenda

The state school board prepares to begin considering guidelines for teaching religion in Kansas public schools. - BY JOSH FUNK, The Wichita Eagle

Hallelujah brother Funk! I'm not sure if that was the proper moment for a hallelujah, i'm still in training, but I hope it was ok. The best part of this new faith-based liberal agenda is all the spontaneous shoutin' and whoopin' and hopping around. And all the general excitable grab-ass that goes with it.

REVEALED ABSURDITY THEORY:
Ok, what I'm getting at here is this: all this revived interest in whisking school children into a creationist lather presents a great opportunity for liberals to push the New Jesus Shoutin' Liberal Creationist Agenda. And thats where the Rev. G.W. Bailey of Conemaugh comes in. You see, in 1929 the good Rev. had this to say with respect to the true theoretical scientific nature of the earth and sun: (via the Johnstown Democrat, 1929)

The Rev. G. W. Bailey, pastor of the Mt. Sinai Institutional Baptist Church at Conemaugh, delivered a sermon last Sunday afternoon at the church on "The Sun Do Move." The Rev. Mr. Bailey cited a number of scripture passages in support of his contention that the earth is flat and square. The speaker declared that the Bible speaks of the four corners of the earth, saying "I saw four angels standing on the four corners of the earth."

The Rev. Mr. Bailey then related the story of the children of Israel, up until the time Joshua became their leader. He told of the mighty battle which Joshua was waging when the sun was going down, leaving Joshua's enemies victorious. He said that Joshua prayed to God to stop the sun until he had won the battle and declared that the Bible relates very plainly that God stopped the sun. The Rev. Mr. Bailey also stated that the Bible declares that after Joshua had won the battle the sun moved on.

The speaker declared that scientists have discovered eight planets, while the Bible relates that there are only three planets, citing the 38th chapter of Job. He declared that the Bible gives proof that the earth has never moved.

Hallelujah! And a "Democrat" story too boot! Again, a big hallelujah shout out to Rev Bailey hovering in the corner. I do have a slight problem with the man's suggestion that the earth is square. Afterall, if it were square wouldn't it have eight corners? Whatever. Just a small matter of opinion there and i've never been very good with counting or geometry or any of that useless crap so lets just move on.

See, pastor Bailey was a kind of early Revealed Absurdity Creation Designer. I think that pastor Bailey's theories not only present an excellent opportunity for liberals to embrace an old idiotic historical scientific quackery but also an opportunity to participate within the greater hilarious framework of Revealed Absurdity Design. Does that makes sense? I really haven't any idea what I'm talking about to be honest. But who the hell cares. Thats not important. Whats important is that us liberals get in on the next great fabulous awakening.

I'm sure fellow Corrente congregation member Tom will agree with me that advancing phantasmagorical scientific absurdities within an historical context is a grand scheme that more liberals should embrace. Think of the hilarious historical satirical possibilities! Think of the creative nonsense we can just make up on a whoop and a whim! Hallelujah!

I have a few other Revealed Absurdity Theory design elements which I would like to see scientifically incorporated into our Christian Mandate educational curriculums around the country. For instance:

[1] Flip flops: Jesus wore flip flops. Jesus stomped and smited scorpions with flip-flops.
[2] The 4 Corner Theory. The earth is a four cornered slab. The whole flat earth thang. The Stop-n-Go Sun theory. And all that. (see above)
[3] Puritan values are good God-fearin' values and the Native Americans were Satan's tool sent to thwart the White Calvinist Reformer Christian casino gaming errand in the wilderness.
[4] Florida real estate developtment was first recorded in the book of Genesis.
[5] The Steinway organ is "the instrument of the immortals".

Its a start. Those are just five examples of possible concentrations of study. I'll reveal more over the next four years, as they are revealed to me by powerful forces beyond my control, but I think those are a few good topics to build on. So all you reborn liberals out there - get on down to your local school board meeting and ask, NO!, demand, that your school district begin offering students the option of studying such idiotic subjects as scientific medical exorcism and Public Television Ministry management and the effects of long term macroclimatic change on the shifting economic dynamics of Mystery Babylon. We're all in this together. Do it for the Gloryland!

Hallelujah!

*