Sunday, October 31, 2004
Halloween night horror story
OHIO From the pages of the Marietta Register Leader, 1929:
[SNIP] Frederick Bender 69, retired, drove a fourpenny nail into his head in an unsuccessful attempt to commit suicide Tuesday. The nail has been removed, and barring infection it is believed the aged man will live. Members of the family heard unusual sounds coming from Mr. Bender's room and when they investigated found him suffering intense pain from the self-inflicted wound. They summoned Dr. S.E. Edwards to attend him. Standing in front of a mirror, and armed with a hammer, the victim had deliberately driven the nail into the top of his head. It pierced the skull at a point near the median line at the top of the head. The doctor tried with his regular instruments to remove the nail, but was unsuccessful, and it was necessary to get a pair of heavy steel pliers from the tool box of his automobile. With these the nail finally was withdrawn. [SNIP]
See, its like this: George W. Bush is like that nail and America is Fred Bender's sore sorry head. God only knows what made Fred do it. So, it's time we summon Dr. Kerry and Dr. Edwards to help repair the damage. Before the infection spreads and its too late. One dumb half-assed self inflicted bender is enough for four years. So, go to the poll box on Nov. 2, grab hold of the pliers, and yank that bent fourpenny Texas dolt from our collective national skull. And for all you braindead numbskull Bush-whacker zombies out there, still fanatically flailing away in the fog, well, just knock it off! Before you put us all in a shallow haunted grave.
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[SNIP] Frederick Bender 69, retired, drove a fourpenny nail into his head in an unsuccessful attempt to commit suicide Tuesday. The nail has been removed, and barring infection it is believed the aged man will live. Members of the family heard unusual sounds coming from Mr. Bender's room and when they investigated found him suffering intense pain from the self-inflicted wound. They summoned Dr. S.E. Edwards to attend him. Standing in front of a mirror, and armed with a hammer, the victim had deliberately driven the nail into the top of his head. It pierced the skull at a point near the median line at the top of the head. The doctor tried with his regular instruments to remove the nail, but was unsuccessful, and it was necessary to get a pair of heavy steel pliers from the tool box of his automobile. With these the nail finally was withdrawn. [SNIP]
See, its like this: George W. Bush is like that nail and America is Fred Bender's sore sorry head. God only knows what made Fred do it. So, it's time we summon Dr. Kerry and Dr. Edwards to help repair the damage. Before the infection spreads and its too late. One dumb half-assed self inflicted bender is enough for four years. So, go to the poll box on Nov. 2, grab hold of the pliers, and yank that bent fourpenny Texas dolt from our collective national skull. And for all you braindead numbskull Bush-whacker zombies out there, still fanatically flailing away in the fog, well, just knock it off! Before you put us all in a shallow haunted grave.
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