corrente

This is the kind of vapid crap the wide-eyed and bushy tailed movers and shakers at globe trotting CNN come up with each morning in America. This is what passes for "news" prgramming at America's most trusted news source, or number one news source, or whatever sassy new marketing pitch it is that they've come up with this time around:

CNN LIVE AT DAYBREAK - Effects of Hurricane Jeanne; Presidential Debate Preview; "Scorecard" - Aired September 27, 2004, transcript.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) DAN BARTLETT, WHITE COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR: Senator Kerry has been preparing his whole life for this. He was a prep star debater. He was an Ivy League debater and served 20 years in the United States Senate. So, he's prepared his whole life for this moment, whereas President Bush, he's going to go in there and he's going to hold his own and speak clearly to the American people about what he believes and about how we are prosecuting this war on terror. (END VIDEO CLIP)

[Carol] COSTELLO: Ah! But did you hear the buzz words in Dan Bartlett's apparent compliment? Ivy League education. Prep school debate. Get it? Actually, we thought we'd look at the buzz surrounding things that should not matter. We're talking about hair and hand gestures with Vaughn Ververs, editor of the "National Journal's" "Hotline."

COSTELLO: Actually, we thought we'd look at the buzz surrounding things that should not matter. We're talking about hair and hand gestures with Vaughn Ververs, editor of the "National Journal's" "Hotline." Good morning.

VAUGHN VERVERS, EDITOR, "THE HOTLINE": Good morning, Carol. How are you?

COSTELLO: I'm fine. You know, at least three newspapers -- "The New York Time," "The Washington Post" and "The Atlanta Journal- Constitution" -- wrote articles about the look of the candidate. Does it really make that much difference? I mean, voters are educated nowadays on such things.

VERVERS: Yes. But, you know, this isn't a debate that's going to be decided on points and who made the better argument and who scored the knock-out punch. Most likely, this is going to be a debate some of the people are going to be watching to see if they're comfortable with these candidates. And part of that is the way they look and their body style and what their body language is telling people.

Hair can make a difference in that sense. And remember, John Kerry is the one who said that one of the reasons he picked John Edwards, even though he was joking, was he had great hair. So...

COSTELLO: I know. Because, you know, in "The New York Times," this is a quote from an expert who says John Kerry has buoyantly vertical hair. He has exciting hair, and it could help him. And take a look at this from "The New York Times," too. It says, "Senator Kerry's anvil-like chin conveys power, but his droopy eyebrows and hooded eyes send an unwelcome signal of age and lethargy." Are Kerry's people bringing in the makeup people?

VERVERS: Well, you know, John Kerry has been compared to a lot of things in this campaign. The Republicans like to call him lurch and all kinds of other things. And he does have very distinct facial parts to him, and it is a really long face, a jutting jaw. But, you know, he'll come across as the way he is. And he'll be very serious. He's a very serious person. The president, on the other hand, he's got to watch a couple of things as well. He's going to have to watch his smirk. That can sometimes be something that turns off people. So, these guys really have to know when they're on camera and...

COSTELLO: Well, going on about President Bush, this is from "The Washington Post." It says, "President Bush has a half-wink that signals he's about to land a punch, and a half-squint that says, 'I really, really mean what I'm saying now.'" Does President Bush actually practice such things?

VERVERS: Oh, I think these guys practice to some extent. Look, but they're more extensions of their personalities and how they are. You can't change yourself overnight. I think if either one of these guys decided they were going to come out and be something different, that's just a mistake. And President Bush has a style that he's had for ever since he's been in public office, that's for sure. And he does -- he gets those shoulders kind of hunched over and he gets that squint. And, you know, it's like almost shaking his finger at people and saying, look, listen up, this is serious now.

COSTELLO: OK. Since we're talking about superficial things, let's talk about fashion, because the navy blue suit is key here. And if you -- I don't know if any of you out there have noticed, but President Bush has been wearing French cuffs with gold cufflinks lately. And Senator Kerry has been wearing a yellow Lance Armstrong wristband lately, which supposedly appeals to the younger viewers. And the gold cufflinks supposedly appeals to the business man in President Bush.

VERVERS: Well, I thought John Kerry was the one who was supposed to wear the French cufflinks -- or the French cuffs. But, you know, and that bracelet is interesting. I'll be interested to see if he's wearing it -- if John Kerry is wearing that. That's a big thing among young people today. You look around on the streets all the time and you see lots of people wearing those. So, it does -- he is trying to send a message by wearing that.

COSTELLO: All right, Vaughn Ververs, interesting insight this morning, thank you so much.

VERVERS: Well, we don't have much to talk about until that time, so this is what we occupy ourselves with.

COSTELLO: That's right. We're still three days out.

VERVERS: That's right.

Oh yeah, "thats right" Vaughn, you sniveling little screw-worm, there ain't much to talk about in the "news" these days aside from you and Carol Costello's cheeky imbecillic half-wink observations on hair management and Lance Armstrong wristbands - whatever in God's name those are - and fruity French cufflinks from Georges of Paris. Jeezis, the things ya see when you don't have a gun.

Look, I've had about all I can take of this kind of cretinous bullshit from these fucking Zip City television media Babbitts. As a matter of fact I'm going out right now and buy an assault rifle. Or two. There's nothing else going on. I'll be back in a few hours. In the meantime please enjoy the soothing music I have selected for your listening enjoyment:

how much is that doggy in the window, the one with the waggily tail...

Ok, I'm back. I also picked up an Ontario SP1 Marine Combat knife with a Kraton polymer handle and epoxy-powder-coated carbon steel blade and a pair of Night Owl Optics night vision flip up goggles. I can buy these all right at the corner. From a guy named "Major Judges 210". Including a pair of sexy crotch enhancing Advantage Timber Silent Weave six pocket pants. And a pair of sheepskin lounger slippers - with soft extra soft crepe sole - too. Just because. I also had my hair shampooed and permed and then I purchased a LumiNox Navy Seal Ultimate series Dive watch with chronograph black bezel. The perm and the watch alone ran me $900 bucks! And I bought some Ted Nuggent CDs. You can never have too many of them playing all at one time. Surrender to your Kings and Stormtroopin' are two of my favorite choices for the upcoming post election holiday season. You rock Nooge!

What? It's not like there is anything going on in the "news". Or something. Might as well go shopping and listen to some tunes. Heck, I might even go out hunting for one of them Vaughn Ververs. What the hell. And when I spy me one with my night vision goggles I'm gonna leap silently from the shadowy gloom and rip it's aortal artery up through it's hairless neck and blow down the tube until it's fluttering heart explodes all over the inside of it's sternum cavity! How's that for perky fashionable verve? Vaughn? Then I'm going to cut your flapping tongue from your stupid face with my Ontario SP1, roll it around in a puddle of that pancake syrup Steve Gilliard is pimping on behalf of the maple syrup lobby, and nail the sticky squirming thing to a rotting stump for the woodpeckers to nibble on! Because, ya know, there isn't anything going on in the "news". At least for the next couple of days. And woodpeckers like fancy eatin' as much as the next critter. So you better knock it off.

Hey. I don't tell you what to do with your spare time - do I? Heck no.

And see, it's like this: as a regular reader (who I'll spare the humiliation of being associated with this unsettling post) noted in earlier comments:

According to that NYT mag article, the qualifications for being a "top blogger" are: perky attitude, sex appeal, and fondness for fancy food.

Ok by me. I want to stay on top of my blogger game. And I think I've covered each of those "qualifications" above. If violent excitable perk and sexy blood spurting Old Testament style vitriole is good enough for the adolescent techno-nerd pod warrior nativist Neanderthali at Little Green Booger Flickers or the scraped knuckle-walking Christian Nation gestapo at Free Republic dot-con-artist then it's good enough for me. Image is everything!

So all of those fey attack pussies at the NYTimes and the Washington Post and the Atlanta-Journal Constitution (where the hell's Willian Tecumseh Sherman when ya need him?) can all go poke their wet forks into a live electrical outlet as far as I'm concerned. Yes seh. Wink. Squint. Smirk.

BTW, these sheepskin loungers really are fuzzy and soft and warm. You should all run down to the mall and get yourselves a pair. Get yourself a new Chevy Suburban while your at it too. One with the Onstar; XM Satellite radio and DVD player. You'll need one of those so you can listen to your Ted Nugent CDs during the Rapture. Now, I wonder who's on MSNBC that I can feed to the birds.

[NOTE: To the easily alarmed. I didn't really get a shampoo and perm. I just made that up. My hair gets kind of wavy when it rains anyway, so ya know --- sorry if I frightened anyone.]

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