Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Hey you there, wanna buy some media dope?
It didn't take more than 30 minutes for the Beltway corporate enclave media courtesans at CNN and MSGOP to begin nailing the GOP talking points frame to the wall. See, it's like this: John Edwards = trial lawyer! John Edwards = inexperience in foreign policy! John Edwards = Democrat's attempts to appeal to Southerners because the South has always been ignored by the unappealing anti-southern Democrats!
And on and on the RNC script managed message goes.
The Republican Party is not required to demonstrate to anyone at CNN or MSGOP that their excitable charges against Edwards are anything but pre-fabricated cartoon characterizations founded in hyper-spin, semantic propaganda, and old off the shelf canard. CNN and MSGOP certainly are not going to ask the right wing dope peddlers for any such detailed explanation of the pre-bottled medicine show potion they are hustling. Oh heavens no! Because, like all cagey corporate marketing shills, CNN and MSGOP make the rockets go up - who cares where they come down - that's not our department - say the clowns on the town. (sorry Tom Leher)
The Cakewalk News Network (CNN) and their little sidekick pip MSGOP are essentially nothing but pitch doctor potion bottlers themselves. Ya know the old snake oil concoctions: WMD! Yellowcake! Killer Drone Plane Invasion! 45 Minute Mushroom Cloud! Mission Glossy Flower Tossy! and on and on.... so much conspiracy theory and romantic moony-eyed insta-cures bottled up and peddled by Pentagon network media embeds, right wing think tank alchemists, elitist Beltway cocktail party voodoo-politick pundit pimps and wannabe celebrity Dartmouth Kool Aide Kiddy Kultists. All eventually delivered into millions of living rooms each afternoon by an unquestioning easily bewitched cacaphony of slutty corporatist cable TV "News" network cosmetic counter groovies and studio tanned automatons.
Like, yah know what, sometimes when I watch Judy Woodruff on CNN I begin giggling like a hapless nervous ninny because I imagine go-go fetch dancer Judy as a lithe bikini clad sunken-eyed skull shrunk anti-version of Goldie Hawn wriggling about on a Laugh In stage as the camera zooms in on a smooth milky thigh that displays the techno-colored tattoo flashback "SOCK IT TO ME BABY!". I know, it's a perverted muse, but, well, hey, I've smoked myself a forest of wet curly-bud and gobbled up pages of serrated paper dreams so what the Dick-F#%!-U-Self-Cheney do I know? Nuttin. Nuttin a'tall.
Anyway, lets flash back to the whole appeal to the South thing that I mentioned earlier. You know, the pill that the Kool Aide Kids in the corporate media and their RNC groove daddios want you to swallow. The smooth plastic pill that conjures hallucinations describing Dems as hostile to that whole "southerner" thingee. You know how that old times here is not forgotten come on goes.
So, I decided to look up the history of the Democratic Party's choice of "southerners" as contenders for the Dem Party's top slots. (as if this one required some great exercise in documentary journalism). Here goes:
Number of "southern" Presidential and Vice Presidental candidates - excluding Texans - that have been advanced by the Democrats since 1944: Answer: 13
Number of "southern" Presidential and Vice Presidential candidates - excluding Texans - (which, by the way, would constitute ONLY ONE particular "Texas" family ONLY!) that have been offered up to the faithful by the Republican Party since 1944: Answer: 0 (ZERO - NOT ONE SINGLE SOUTHERN STATE CANDIDATE!)
So, I don't suppose the potion peddlers in Atlanta (CNN) might be interested in this historical numerology given the way some southerner's (you know who you are) entertain traditional hankerins' for heapin' helpins' of romanticized historical hokum and boo-hoo woe is me lost cause mythology. Whatever.
In any case, here's the real historical dope on the Democratic Party's candidate selection record as it caters to that whole tender "southern" candidate sensibility thing.
Maybe a few dandy "southerners" (again, you know who you are) would take to revisitin' tangible reality one day? That sure would be a monumental Civil Wow reenactment occasion. At least when it comes to analyizing which political party has most often advanced candidates representing the "South" over the past 60 years. Not that any of the corporate confederate reality benders at CNN or MSGOP will abandon their company store party hookah, climb down off of their shit fed mushroom stump, and wander amongst the fields of flowery statistics below. Oooo-nooo! That would be so like square man! Like think outside the box man! Ooo-Baby!
Yeah right.
Anyway, below is a brisk rundown of the presidental candidate election crop planted since 1944. Harvest at will, sit back, bask in that warm southern summer sun, and light up fat bone for me.
=====
UH-OH!!! DATA UPDATE/CORRECTIONS AHEAD!
Thanks to Andy (see comments) for pointing out that Ike ran from NY in both the 52 and 56 election and that Nixon also ran from NY in both 68 and 72. I screwed up some figgers below so I've made corrections where needed. (I hope) - Year by year election stats available via: this place
=====
Southernerners named to national tickets since 1944: (excluding Texas as a southern state)
Republicans = 0 - as in ZERO!!!!!!!!!! NONE! NOT ONE.
Democrats = 13
Southerners named to national tickets since 1944: (when including Texas as a southern state)
Republicans = 6 - Each one named George Bush. George HW Bush 4 times / George W Bush twice.
Democrats = 16
Texans named to national tickets since 1944:
Republicans = 6 Each one named George Bush.
Democrats = 3
Lefty Coasters (Californians) named to national tickets since 1944:
Republicans =8 correction: 6
Democrats = 0 - as in ZERO!!!!! NONE! NOT ONE.
Snooty elitist New Yorkers named to national tickets since 1944:
Republicans =4 correction: 7 (5 correction: 8 if Nelson Rockefellar included)
Democrats = 2
Snooty elitist intellectuals from New York and Massachusettes named to national tickets since 1944:
Republicans =5 correction: 8 (6 correction: 9 if Nelson Rockefellar included)
Democrats = 5
Zany Hollywood Left Coaster actors named to national tickets since 1944:
Republicans = 2 (Reagan, twice)
Democrats = 0
Southern states represented on national REP Party tickets since 1944: (excluding Texas)
Represented on Republican tickets = NONE
Southern states represented on national DEM Party tickets since 1944: (excluding Texas) = North Carolina, Tennessee, Arkansas, Georgia, Missouri, Alabama, Kentucky.
RAW SEEDLESS DATA:
1944:
REPUBLICAN candidates
P - Thomas Dewey (NY)
VP - Earl John William Bricker (Ohio)
DEMOCRAT candidates
P - Franklin D. Roosevelt (NY)
VP - Harry Truman (Missouri) Southern State
1948:
REPUBLICAN
P - Thomas Dewey (NY)
VP - Earl Warren (California)
DEMOCRAT
P - Harry Truman (Missouri) Southern State
VP - Alben William Barkley (Kentucky) Southern State
1952:
REPUBLICAN
P - Dwight D. Eisenhower (NY)
VP - Richard Nixon (California)
DEMOCRAT
P - Adlai Stevenson (Illinois)
VP - John Jackson Sparkman (Alabama) Southern State
1956:
REPUBLICAN
P - Dwight D. Eisenhower(now from PA) correction: (NY)
VP - Richard Nixon (California)
DEMOCRAT
P - Adlai Stevenson (Illinois)
VP - Carey Estes Kefauver (Tennessee) Southern State
1960:
REPUBLICAN
P - Richard Nixon (California)
VP - Henry Cabot Lodge (Mass)
DEMOCRAT
P - John F. Kennedy (Mass)
VP - Lyndon Johnson (Texas) Southern State Texan
1964:
REPUBLICAN
P - Barry Goldwater (Arizona)
VP - William Edward Miller (NY)
DEMOCRAT
P - Lyndon Johnson (Texas) Southern State Texan
VP - Hubert Humphrey (Minnesota)
1968:
REPUBLICAN
P - Richard Nixon(California) correction: (NY)
VP - Spiro Agnew (Maryland)
DEMOCRAT
P - Hubert Humphrey (Minn)
VP - Edmund Muskie (Maine)
1972:
REPUBLICAN
P - Richard Nixon(California) correction: (NY)
VP - Spiro Agnew (Maryland) resigns 1973
VP - Gerald Ford (Michigan) replaces Agnew as VP.
DEMOCRAT
P - George McGovern (S. Dakota)
VP - Thomas Eagleton (Missouri) Southern State
VP - Sargent Shriver (Maryland) replaces Eagleton on ticket.
***
1973 - Nixon resigns:
VP - Gerald Ford (R - Michigan) becomes President.
1974:
GOV - Nelson Rockefeller (R - NY) appointed Vice President.
***
1976:
REPUBLICAN
P - Gerald Ford (Michigan)
VP - Bob Dole (Kansas)
DEMOCRAT
P - Jimmy Carter (Georgia) Southern State
VP - Walter Mondale (Minnesota)
1980:
REPUBLICAN
P - Ronald Reagan (California)
VP - George HW Bush (Texas) Southern State Texan
DEMOCRAT
P - Jimmy Carter (Georgia) Southern State
VP - Walter Mondale (Minn)
1984:
REPUBLICAN
P - Ronald Reagan (California)
VP - George HW Bush ("Texas") Southern State Texan
DEMOCRAT
P - Walter Mondale (Minn)
VP - Geraldine Ferraro (NY)
1988:
REPUBLICAN
P - George HW Bush (Texas) Southern State Texan
VP - Dan Quayle (Indiana)
DEMOCRAT
P - Michael Dukakis (Mass)
VP - Lloyd Bentsen (Texas) Southern State Texan
1992:
REPUBLICAN
P - George HW Bush (Texas) Southern State Texan
VP - Dan Quayle (Indiana)
DEMOCRAT
P - Bill Clinton (Arkansas) Southern State
VP - Al Gore (Tennessee) Southern State
1996:
REPUBLICAN
P - Bob Dole (Kansas)
VP - Jack Kemp (Maryland)
DEMOCRAT
P - Bill Clinton (Arkansas) Southern State
VP - Al Gore (Tennessee) Southern State
2000:
REPUBLICAN
P - George W Bush (Texas) Southern State Texan
VP - Dick Cheney (Wyoming)
DEMOCRAT
P - Al Gore (Tennessee) Southern State
VP - Joe Lieberman (Connecticut)
2004:
REPUBLICAN
P - George W Bush (Texas) Southern State Texan
VP - Dick Cheney (Wyoming)
DEMOCRAT
P - John Kerry (Mass)
VP - John Edwards (North Carolina) Southern State
NOTE: For the purpose of this post I've used the old Confederate States of America model to define what constitutes a "southern" state. I've also included Kentucky and Missouri on the "southern" roster. Although each remained officially loyal to the Union during the war many residents from both KY and the Show Me State remained sympathetic to the Confederate cause and did appoint governments in exile which supported the CSA. Additionally, for cultural and geographic reasons, I've included Missouri and Kentucky in the "southern" states column since I consider each of them more "southern" than Texas; which, despite its inclusion in the CSA, and the fact that Sam Houston was heaved overboard for refusing to support the Lost Cause, remains to a some extent geographically and culturally on the "western" edge of what I'd define as a genuinely "southern" state.
Therefore, "southern" states for the purposes of this post will include: SC, MISS, FLA, ALA, GA, LA, TX, VA, ARK, TENN, NC, KY and Missouri. I'll leave others to haggle over the fate of Maryland. I personally don't consider Maryland a "southern" state any more than I'd consign southern New Jersey or Dover Delaware to the mellon patch of Dixie. But, again, I'll leave the matter of Maryland's manly deeds and womanly words - fatti maschii, parole femine - to the mercy of others.
*
And on and on the RNC script managed message goes.
The Republican Party is not required to demonstrate to anyone at CNN or MSGOP that their excitable charges against Edwards are anything but pre-fabricated cartoon characterizations founded in hyper-spin, semantic propaganda, and old off the shelf canard. CNN and MSGOP certainly are not going to ask the right wing dope peddlers for any such detailed explanation of the pre-bottled medicine show potion they are hustling. Oh heavens no! Because, like all cagey corporate marketing shills, CNN and MSGOP make the rockets go up - who cares where they come down - that's not our department - say the clowns on the town. (sorry Tom Leher)
The Cakewalk News Network (CNN) and their little sidekick pip MSGOP are essentially nothing but pitch doctor potion bottlers themselves. Ya know the old snake oil concoctions: WMD! Yellowcake! Killer Drone Plane Invasion! 45 Minute Mushroom Cloud! Mission Glossy Flower Tossy! and on and on.... so much conspiracy theory and romantic moony-eyed insta-cures bottled up and peddled by Pentagon network media embeds, right wing think tank alchemists, elitist Beltway cocktail party voodoo-politick pundit pimps and wannabe celebrity Dartmouth Kool Aide Kiddy Kultists. All eventually delivered into millions of living rooms each afternoon by an unquestioning easily bewitched cacaphony of slutty corporatist cable TV "News" network cosmetic counter groovies and studio tanned automatons.
Like, yah know what, sometimes when I watch Judy Woodruff on CNN I begin giggling like a hapless nervous ninny because I imagine go-go fetch dancer Judy as a lithe bikini clad sunken-eyed skull shrunk anti-version of Goldie Hawn wriggling about on a Laugh In stage as the camera zooms in on a smooth milky thigh that displays the techno-colored tattoo flashback "SOCK IT TO ME BABY!". I know, it's a perverted muse, but, well, hey, I've smoked myself a forest of wet curly-bud and gobbled up pages of serrated paper dreams so what the Dick-F#%!-U-Self-Cheney do I know? Nuttin. Nuttin a'tall.
Anyway, lets flash back to the whole appeal to the South thing that I mentioned earlier. You know, the pill that the Kool Aide Kids in the corporate media and their RNC groove daddios want you to swallow. The smooth plastic pill that conjures hallucinations describing Dems as hostile to that whole "southerner" thingee. You know how that old times here is not forgotten come on goes.
So, I decided to look up the history of the Democratic Party's choice of "southerners" as contenders for the Dem Party's top slots. (as if this one required some great exercise in documentary journalism). Here goes:
Number of "southern" Presidential and Vice Presidental candidates - excluding Texans - that have been advanced by the Democrats since 1944: Answer: 13
Number of "southern" Presidential and Vice Presidential candidates - excluding Texans - (which, by the way, would constitute ONLY ONE particular "Texas" family ONLY!) that have been offered up to the faithful by the Republican Party since 1944: Answer: 0 (ZERO - NOT ONE SINGLE SOUTHERN STATE CANDIDATE!)
So, I don't suppose the potion peddlers in Atlanta (CNN) might be interested in this historical numerology given the way some southerner's (you know who you are) entertain traditional hankerins' for heapin' helpins' of romanticized historical hokum and boo-hoo woe is me lost cause mythology. Whatever.
In any case, here's the real historical dope on the Democratic Party's candidate selection record as it caters to that whole tender "southern" candidate sensibility thing.
Maybe a few dandy "southerners" (again, you know who you are) would take to revisitin' tangible reality one day? That sure would be a monumental Civil Wow reenactment occasion. At least when it comes to analyizing which political party has most often advanced candidates representing the "South" over the past 60 years. Not that any of the corporate confederate reality benders at CNN or MSGOP will abandon their company store party hookah, climb down off of their shit fed mushroom stump, and wander amongst the fields of flowery statistics below. Oooo-nooo! That would be so like square man! Like think outside the box man! Ooo-Baby!
Yeah right.
Anyway, below is a brisk rundown of the presidental candidate election crop planted since 1944. Harvest at will, sit back, bask in that warm southern summer sun, and light up fat bone for me.
=====
UH-OH!!! DATA UPDATE/CORRECTIONS AHEAD!
Thanks to Andy (see comments) for pointing out that Ike ran from NY in both the 52 and 56 election and that Nixon also ran from NY in both 68 and 72. I screwed up some figgers below so I've made corrections where needed. (I hope) - Year by year election stats available via: this place
=====
Southernerners named to national tickets since 1944: (excluding Texas as a southern state)
Republicans = 0 - as in ZERO!!!!!!!!!! NONE! NOT ONE.
Democrats = 13
Southerners named to national tickets since 1944: (when including Texas as a southern state)
Republicans = 6 - Each one named George Bush. George HW Bush 4 times / George W Bush twice.
Democrats = 16
Texans named to national tickets since 1944:
Republicans = 6 Each one named George Bush.
Democrats = 3
Lefty Coasters (Californians) named to national tickets since 1944:
Republicans =
Democrats = 0 - as in ZERO!!!!! NONE! NOT ONE.
Snooty elitist New Yorkers named to national tickets since 1944:
Republicans =
Democrats = 2
Snooty elitist intellectuals from New York and Massachusettes named to national tickets since 1944:
Republicans =
Democrats = 5
Zany Hollywood Left Coaster actors named to national tickets since 1944:
Republicans = 2 (Reagan, twice)
Democrats = 0
Southern states represented on national REP Party tickets since 1944: (excluding Texas)
Represented on Republican tickets = NONE
Southern states represented on national DEM Party tickets since 1944: (excluding Texas) = North Carolina, Tennessee, Arkansas, Georgia, Missouri, Alabama, Kentucky.
RAW SEEDLESS DATA:
1944:
REPUBLICAN candidates
P - Thomas Dewey (NY)
VP - Earl John William Bricker (Ohio)
DEMOCRAT candidates
P - Franklin D. Roosevelt (NY)
VP - Harry Truman (Missouri) Southern State
1948:
REPUBLICAN
P - Thomas Dewey (NY)
VP - Earl Warren (California)
DEMOCRAT
P - Harry Truman (Missouri) Southern State
VP - Alben William Barkley (Kentucky) Southern State
1952:
REPUBLICAN
P - Dwight D. Eisenhower (NY)
VP - Richard Nixon (California)
DEMOCRAT
P - Adlai Stevenson (Illinois)
VP - John Jackson Sparkman (Alabama) Southern State
1956:
REPUBLICAN
P - Dwight D. Eisenhower
VP - Richard Nixon (California)
DEMOCRAT
P - Adlai Stevenson (Illinois)
VP - Carey Estes Kefauver (Tennessee) Southern State
1960:
REPUBLICAN
P - Richard Nixon (California)
VP - Henry Cabot Lodge (Mass)
DEMOCRAT
P - John F. Kennedy (Mass)
VP - Lyndon Johnson (Texas) Southern State Texan
1964:
REPUBLICAN
P - Barry Goldwater (Arizona)
VP - William Edward Miller (NY)
DEMOCRAT
P - Lyndon Johnson (Texas) Southern State Texan
VP - Hubert Humphrey (Minnesota)
1968:
REPUBLICAN
P - Richard Nixon
VP - Spiro Agnew (Maryland)
DEMOCRAT
P - Hubert Humphrey (Minn)
VP - Edmund Muskie (Maine)
1972:
REPUBLICAN
P - Richard Nixon
VP - Spiro Agnew (Maryland) resigns 1973
VP - Gerald Ford (Michigan) replaces Agnew as VP.
DEMOCRAT
P - George McGovern (S. Dakota)
VP - Thomas Eagleton (Missouri) Southern State
VP - Sargent Shriver (Maryland) replaces Eagleton on ticket.
***
1973 - Nixon resigns:
VP - Gerald Ford (R - Michigan) becomes President.
1974:
GOV - Nelson Rockefeller (R - NY) appointed Vice President.
***
1976:
REPUBLICAN
P - Gerald Ford (Michigan)
VP - Bob Dole (Kansas)
DEMOCRAT
P - Jimmy Carter (Georgia) Southern State
VP - Walter Mondale (Minnesota)
1980:
REPUBLICAN
P - Ronald Reagan (California)
VP - George HW Bush (Texas) Southern State Texan
DEMOCRAT
P - Jimmy Carter (Georgia) Southern State
VP - Walter Mondale (Minn)
1984:
REPUBLICAN
P - Ronald Reagan (California)
VP - George HW Bush ("Texas") Southern State Texan
DEMOCRAT
P - Walter Mondale (Minn)
VP - Geraldine Ferraro (NY)
1988:
REPUBLICAN
P - George HW Bush (Texas) Southern State Texan
VP - Dan Quayle (Indiana)
DEMOCRAT
P - Michael Dukakis (Mass)
VP - Lloyd Bentsen (Texas) Southern State Texan
1992:
REPUBLICAN
P - George HW Bush (Texas) Southern State Texan
VP - Dan Quayle (Indiana)
DEMOCRAT
P - Bill Clinton (Arkansas) Southern State
VP - Al Gore (Tennessee) Southern State
1996:
REPUBLICAN
P - Bob Dole (Kansas)
VP - Jack Kemp (Maryland)
DEMOCRAT
P - Bill Clinton (Arkansas) Southern State
VP - Al Gore (Tennessee) Southern State
2000:
REPUBLICAN
P - George W Bush (Texas) Southern State Texan
VP - Dick Cheney (Wyoming)
DEMOCRAT
P - Al Gore (Tennessee) Southern State
VP - Joe Lieberman (Connecticut)
2004:
REPUBLICAN
P - George W Bush (Texas) Southern State Texan
VP - Dick Cheney (Wyoming)
DEMOCRAT
P - John Kerry (Mass)
VP - John Edwards (North Carolina) Southern State
NOTE: For the purpose of this post I've used the old Confederate States of America model to define what constitutes a "southern" state. I've also included Kentucky and Missouri on the "southern" roster. Although each remained officially loyal to the Union during the war many residents from both KY and the Show Me State remained sympathetic to the Confederate cause and did appoint governments in exile which supported the CSA. Additionally, for cultural and geographic reasons, I've included Missouri and Kentucky in the "southern" states column since I consider each of them more "southern" than Texas; which, despite its inclusion in the CSA, and the fact that Sam Houston was heaved overboard for refusing to support the Lost Cause, remains to a some extent geographically and culturally on the "western" edge of what I'd define as a genuinely "southern" state.
Therefore, "southern" states for the purposes of this post will include: SC, MISS, FLA, ALA, GA, LA, TX, VA, ARK, TENN, NC, KY and Missouri. I'll leave others to haggle over the fate of Maryland. I personally don't consider Maryland a "southern" state any more than I'd consign southern New Jersey or Dover Delaware to the mellon patch of Dixie. But, again, I'll leave the matter of Maryland's manly deeds and womanly words - fatti maschii, parole femine - to the mercy of others.
*
