Friday, June 11, 2004

Sawdust Memories ~ Trees are Stupid Things 

Take Out an Entire Old Growth Forest in a Single Afternoon!

I was just reflecting on the cherished legacy of Ronald Reagan and his vision for America when I came across this actual item in an old copy of Popular Reaganics magazine. Except, back then, it was still called Popular Mechanics magazine.

"Mow down a forest like a field of wheat? Not even the legendary Paul Bunyan could do that. But wait - up in northern Montana a couple of ingenious engineer-contractors have built mowing machines that slash through timber just the way a threshing machine moves through a grain field. Trees 100 and 150 feet tall topple over like straws. Between breakfast and lunch two men and their equiptment can mow down as much as 100 acres of virgin forest." - Popular Mechanics, August 1950

Wow. I can barely locate a pair of clean socks between breakfast and lunch. That just sends fond nostalgic chills up my spine. It also reminded me of one of my favorite old Ronald Reagan "Wise Use" land management documentary films titled:

"The Big Stupid Trees".
Starring Ronald Reagan as Slim Talent the charismatic twinkle eyed timber baron "outsider" and James "Second Coming" Watt as Slash Burns his trusted hatchetman. Together they set out to clearcut northern California's entire Trinity National Forest and sell it to NY Post newpaper publisher Dominique Franco, who, many of you will remember from Ayn Rand's classic paranoid melodrama the "The Showerhead". Things go astray when Slim falls for the beautiful Alice Schadwickski, a Polish Jewess from White Plains, New York, who converts to Christianity and convinces Slim to instead harvest the big wood and construct a forty five thousand acre multi-media Pentecostal mega-church and resort convention center at the top of Big Bar Mountain. Romance and religious hanky-panky among the carbon monoxide spewing ferns and fauna ensues. There is even a thrill filled whiteknuckle bulldozer chase across a rope bridge which delivers several minutes of hair mussing tension. Love, unshakeable moral conviction, boundless optimism, and steely strength of character conquer all in the end when Slim Talent confronts a fanatical deep Quaker pine cone worship cult with a hewing axe and Slash Burns tells Dominique Franco, "they kill good trees to put out liberal newspapers," and "I have converted a black, a woman, two Jews and a cripple. And we have dominion!" At which point he hurls himself into a misty gorge rather than allowing himself to be captured by angry Ku Klux Klansmen, betrayed Georgia-Pacific Plywood & Lumber Company executives, and a posse of drunken Florida real estate developers representing the US Chamber of Commerce.

Its a fabtastic adventure thriller for the entire family and one of Ronald Reagan's finest performances. Rent it on DVD today! Or purchase the entire set of Ronald Reagan film memorabilia from the Ronald Reagan Historic Legacy Story Project. Furthermore, in honor of the beloved former Governor, President and world leader, the RRHLSP will donate a portion of each purchase to The Ronald Reagan Legacy National Memorial Theme Park Restoration Project on behalf of efforts to rename northern California's entire national forest region - from Happy Camp to Clear Lake - The Ronald Reagan National Sawdust Wilderness.


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