Sunday, December 21, 2003
Orange you scared?
Threat level (not to the Constitution, your civil liberties, your livelihood, your health, of course) rises to orange...
Happy Holidays from the Ministry of Fear!
UPDATE: Revised threat levels from alert reader MJS:
The Government Commander Flight Deck Shit Alert System has issued the following Holiday Color Coded Commander Flight Deck Shit Schematic:
#1. Pale Auburn: Soft texture, wormlike, watery. The public is advised to go out and buy things, but to not feel too safe at any given time.
#2. Tobacco-brown hue. Doughy, vaguely rodent shaped. Stay indoors but don't read the newspaper unless you really have to for sports scores and B.C. by good Christian Jonny Hart.
#3. Polluted River Bottom Black & Tan. A Mother of Pearl quality due to oil runoff, greasy, stain guaranteed. Lock your door and cover the children in plastic sheets--but don't smother them yet.
#4. Last Color the Devil Sees Before God Buggers Him--Transdimensional Mega-Void Matter Splatter Sub-Atomic Chili Flecks. You may now smother the children.
#5. Pure White. Go golfing with your country club friends. And make sure to smile for the cameras--a shit-eating grin is a patriotic capper!
Happy Holidays from the Ministry of Fear!
UPDATE: Revised threat levels from alert reader MJS:
The Government Commander Flight Deck Shit Alert System has issued the following Holiday Color Coded Commander Flight Deck Shit Schematic:
#1. Pale Auburn: Soft texture, wormlike, watery. The public is advised to go out and buy things, but to not feel too safe at any given time.
#2. Tobacco-brown hue. Doughy, vaguely rodent shaped. Stay indoors but don't read the newspaper unless you really have to for sports scores and B.C. by good Christian Jonny Hart.
#3. Polluted River Bottom Black & Tan. A Mother of Pearl quality due to oil runoff, greasy, stain guaranteed. Lock your door and cover the children in plastic sheets--but don't smother them yet.
#4. Last Color the Devil Sees Before God Buggers Him--Transdimensional Mega-Void Matter Splatter Sub-Atomic Chili Flecks. You may now smother the children.
#5. Pure White. Go golfing with your country club friends. And make sure to smile for the cameras--a shit-eating grin is a patriotic capper!
