Monday, October 20, 2003
I Married a McIntosh - Part 1
National Mantreemony Protection Week
Today, Oct. 20, kicks of the second anniversary of President Pontius Skybox Pilot's National Character Counts Week October 20 through October 26. Originally decreed in the year of our Lord 2002. Which follows hot upon the high heels of this years "Marriage Protection Week" (translate: National Don't Marry One Of Those Week) which is officially ended but not really over by any hyperventilated stretch of the pop-eyed partisan right wing fundamentalist Christian imagination.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, the farmer, blogger and resident of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim October 20 thru 26, 2003, as National Mantreemony Protection Week to coincide with the annniversary of National Character Counts Week. Each go branch in hand.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twentieth day of October, in the year of the Great Possum two thousand three, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and twenty-eighth. ~ the farmer
I am a serious treehugger and I'm gettin' hitched.
I have decided to marry, during a quiet private ceremony at my own home, the lovely little apple tree in my backyard. Because I love the apple tree in my backyard and because I think its the most beautiful apple tree in any backyard anywhere in the entire world of apple trees and backyards. Its the apple tree of my wandering spiritual eye. Oh sure, a few bad spots and an occasional late spring hoar frost that kills some blossoms every so often, if ya know what I mean, but thats all part of the growing old and gad-awful-ugly together thing. Whatever. Any way you look at it I still get all woody just thinking of her standing out there in the meadow, among the bluebirds and bees, overflowing with crisp Golden Delicious goodness and blushing like a Yellow Bellflower June bride.
I'm also hoping that strict family values conservative specimens, especially men-folk of the Christian conservative nomenclature, will strongly back me in my efforts to legally wed my little pippin, thereby allowing each of us to enjoy all the legal rights and benefits such a union provides. Thus providing a stable foundation from which to begin putting down the first rootstocks in our very own family orchard.
Therefore, I have provided a breakdown of nine good reasons why I think such legal civil unions should be easily acceptable to those conservatives who would argue otherwise. Rather, I propose that such man on tree arrangements are well within the bounds of traditional family values and imposing biblical decrees, canons, curfews, and other such hallowed squalls.
And hey, lets face it... if George W Bush were to dress up like Davy Crockett, stuff his basket with Cornish Gillyflowers and strut around the public square in Apple Springs Texas pretending he's Sir Edward Victor Appleton the Nobel physicist who discovered the F layer of the ionosphere, he'd be pronounced a seraph of the first order of angels by Joel Mowbray and a cinch for re-election to six more consecutive terms! So I don't think my humble proposal is all that weird or too far out on a limb.
Yup, character matters - and apple trees are dripping with ripe heavenly character. Therefore, I offer the following case on behalf of the sacred institution of mantreemony (pronounced: man - tree - mony), treehuggers everywhere, and as an appeal to those who cherish traditional family values. For better or worse.
1- Faithful, Humble, Industrious:
Apple trees are exemplars of fidelity and gentle domestication, an asset to any family garden and they love working in the kitchen. Your apple tree will never talk back or walk out on you. Apple trees won't just up and leave if they become upset with you. An apple tree won't run off with some stunted little shrub or cockspur thorn while you're off digging for grubs at the base of the rotten money tree. When you wake up each morning your apple tree is right there where it should be, all covered with fresh morning dew and blossom wilt. Right where you left her the night before. Good morning my little Collet you will burble each morning for better or worse - you made a lovely apple-betty last night.
Tomorrow - point 2 / Fortitude, Resignation, Patience...
Today, Oct. 20, kicks of the second anniversary of President Pontius Skybox Pilot's National Character Counts Week October 20 through October 26. Originally decreed in the year of our Lord 2002. Which follows hot upon the high heels of this years "Marriage Protection Week" (translate: National Don't Marry One Of Those Week) which is officially ended but not really over by any hyperventilated stretch of the pop-eyed partisan right wing fundamentalist Christian imagination.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, the farmer, blogger and resident of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim October 20 thru 26, 2003, as National Mantreemony Protection Week to coincide with the annniversary of National Character Counts Week. Each go branch in hand.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twentieth day of October, in the year of the Great Possum two thousand three, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and twenty-eighth. ~ the farmer
I am a serious treehugger and I'm gettin' hitched.
I have decided to marry, during a quiet private ceremony at my own home, the lovely little apple tree in my backyard. Because I love the apple tree in my backyard and because I think its the most beautiful apple tree in any backyard anywhere in the entire world of apple trees and backyards. Its the apple tree of my wandering spiritual eye. Oh sure, a few bad spots and an occasional late spring hoar frost that kills some blossoms every so often, if ya know what I mean, but thats all part of the growing old and gad-awful-ugly together thing. Whatever. Any way you look at it I still get all woody just thinking of her standing out there in the meadow, among the bluebirds and bees, overflowing with crisp Golden Delicious goodness and blushing like a Yellow Bellflower June bride.
I'm also hoping that strict family values conservative specimens, especially men-folk of the Christian conservative nomenclature, will strongly back me in my efforts to legally wed my little pippin, thereby allowing each of us to enjoy all the legal rights and benefits such a union provides. Thus providing a stable foundation from which to begin putting down the first rootstocks in our very own family orchard.
Therefore, I have provided a breakdown of nine good reasons why I think such legal civil unions should be easily acceptable to those conservatives who would argue otherwise. Rather, I propose that such man on tree arrangements are well within the bounds of traditional family values and imposing biblical decrees, canons, curfews, and other such hallowed squalls.
And hey, lets face it... if George W Bush were to dress up like Davy Crockett, stuff his basket with Cornish Gillyflowers and strut around the public square in Apple Springs Texas pretending he's Sir Edward Victor Appleton the Nobel physicist who discovered the F layer of the ionosphere, he'd be pronounced a seraph of the first order of angels by Joel Mowbray and a cinch for re-election to six more consecutive terms! So I don't think my humble proposal is all that weird or too far out on a limb.
Yup, character matters - and apple trees are dripping with ripe heavenly character. Therefore, I offer the following case on behalf of the sacred institution of mantreemony (pronounced: man - tree - mony), treehuggers everywhere, and as an appeal to those who cherish traditional family values. For better or worse.
1- Faithful, Humble, Industrious:
Apple trees are exemplars of fidelity and gentle domestication, an asset to any family garden and they love working in the kitchen. Your apple tree will never talk back or walk out on you. Apple trees won't just up and leave if they become upset with you. An apple tree won't run off with some stunted little shrub or cockspur thorn while you're off digging for grubs at the base of the rotten money tree. When you wake up each morning your apple tree is right there where it should be, all covered with fresh morning dew and blossom wilt. Right where you left her the night before. Good morning my little Collet you will burble each morning for better or worse - you made a lovely apple-betty last night.
Tomorrow - point 2 / Fortitude, Resignation, Patience...
