Sunday, August 09, 2009

Breaking: Government bureaucrats agree to grant unconditional commutation of death sentence to Sarah Palin's baby! 

Must read

Progressives make sweeping concessions to conservatives on health care by agreeing to remove the "Kill Sarah Palin's Baby Act of 2009" (Daily Kos) provisions from any future health care legislation.
[...] While this will require us to gut HR 3200 "America's Health Choices and Murder Sarah Palin's Baby Act of 2009," we're currently working with Henry Waxman to remove the extensive Sarah Palin's baby-killing provisions from the final bill. [Read full story at Daily Kos link above!]

Later this evening CNN's John Roberts and Candy Crowley will discuss this important development - and what it might mean for you and your family - with the former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin and Minnesota House Rep. Michelle Bachmann.

The former governor will express her relief that baby Trig will no longer have to "stand in front of Obama's "death panel"" and thank fellow conservative activists for speaking out so loudly against such government sanctioned final solutions. She will however urge Americans to remain vigilant and remind them that although baby Trig has been spared the judgement of Obama's "death panel" this does not mean that under some fututre foreign, yet to be revealed, legislative language - proposed by advocates of national socialized government mandated health care redistribution - baby Trig could not be somehow forcibly removed from his mothers care at some point, designated a "medical undesirable," and placed into a secret Obamacare government run security detention facility for "slaphappy" children and dangerous Muslim youth. A fate, the governor will admit, she wouldn't even wish on her own grandchild's father.

Rep. Bachmann is also too expected to sound additional alarms and stress that any legislative discussions going forward must address grave concerns among our nations senior citizens that enrollment in government sanctioned Obamacare might very likely subject them to involuntary participation in experimental vital organ chop-n-swap exchanges being jointly administered by US, Cuban, and Sharia State "sawbone" collectives. And being payed for with money redirected from the Social Security Trust Fund. Thereby emphasizing the importance of reforming - or even possibly eliminating - the Social Security program in order to halt funding of such experimental organ mining programs.

Dr. Newton Gingrich will join Roberts and Crowley and their guests to reemphasize a point he made to the Atlanta Journal Constitution in 1994:
People like me are what stand between us and Auschwitz. I see evil all around me every day..."

And, what he told Mother Jones magazine in 1989:
[Medicare is a] Harvard[-style] centralized bureaucracy-driven model of health care, which is inherently, catastrophically bad....

Roberts and Crowley will help shed more light on these and other very serious fears that thousands of just plain regular American citizens are currently concerned about. As has been demonstrated most recently during crowded townhall meetings and public question and answer discussion forums across the country.

New concessions by liberal and progressive government elites also included the removal of the Early Euthanization and Taxidermy of the Aging and Elderly Act which had been alluded to in the early provisions (and any language authorizing "Death Panels" to oversee such proposed legislation). These unpopular proposals, prominently highlighted by concerned grass roots consevative groups and responsible media outlets, will now be permanently removed from the existing bill.

Similarly, cleverly disguised government run FEMA tanneries operated by ACORN for the purpose of processing the hides of euthanized senior citizens (as well as Sarah Palin's baby) will no longer remain an option or appear in any forthcoming bill or proposed final legislation passed by the House and/or Senate. (See Daily Kos link above for more key details).

Additionally, immigrants - pouring across our national borders from the Socialist Medicine Republic of Canada and the CGB/UK (United Kingdom of Communist Great Britian) - in search of hip replacements will no longer be allowed to take advantage of the deep discounts on hip replacements offered by America's privately managed health care system. This will include the popular Four Hour Hip Replacement (turnover time may vary depending upon demand) and the Buy One Hip Replacement Get A Second Hip Replacement Free programs. As a future cost cutting measure these programs and any steep discounts which may apply will henceforth be accessible to real American's only (those who possess and display an original long form birth certificate validating their natural born US citizenship status). Those in possession of a "certificate of live birth" (or other similar questionable documentation) will be subjected to necessary mandatory selective background checks [*] and any applicable fees and or fines to be determined by a private body of health care management doctor to patient conciliators acting on behalf of individual freedom, the US Constitution, and the sanctity of natural born citizen patient rights.

[*] refer to: The Birther Natural Born Citizen Health Care Access Protection Entitlement Act of 2009 to be introduced later this summer by key Repulican lawmakers.

In less happier developments

Tomato ruination: About a week ago, in an earlier comment thread, I mentioned the spread of this late blight problem. Here is more on that from today's NY Times Week in Review - See You Say Tomato, I Say Agricultural Disaster (New York Times, Week in Review, Sunday Aug. 09, 2009).


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