Saturday, April 19, 2008

LATEST: Hillary Clinton Incident Report 

"Screw Em - I don't owe them a thing"

Suspect hurls charges and empty Crown Royal bottle at Move On workers.
additional details / TPM

INCIDENT TYPE: Domestic disturbance
TYPE OF PREMISE: Campaign trail.
WEAPON OBJECT USED: Empty Crown Royal bottle. Kitchen sink.
ARSON RELATED: Investigation ongoing

NAME: Hillary Rodham Clinton
SUSPECT STATUS: Presidential candidate
RACE: Crazy white lady
AGE: 61
SCARS/TATTOOS: phrase "Born to Run" across back of neck.

NAME: Move On dot Org
RACE: Mixed
OCCUPATION: Vast Left Wing Conspirator


Responding to early morning hour of 4/18/08 reports of a middle aged woman in center of road causing loud disturbance. Known suspect was visibly agitated and weilding an empty Crown Royal bottle while complaining loudly of what she described as a vast left wing conspiracy of moving company employees and volunteers. Suspect was visibly upset and was reported as exclaiming "scew them, I don't owe them a thing" and "what have they ever done for me!"

Suspect was clearly intoxicated and presented a potential danger to herself and those around her.

A cracked porcelin kitchen sink with visible blood stains in the sink and on surface of the sink was observable at the scene. Origins of blood on and in the sink were subsequently identified as belonging to a neighbor involved in earlier confrontations with suspect and not directly related to latest incident.

Suspect was visibly agitated and likely under the influence of unidentified controlled substances and behaving eratically while talking loudly of a vast left wing conspiracy of moving company employees who she accused of not only intimidating and dominating gatherings organized on her behalf but of also refusing to properly attend her sedan chair while she was seated in it. She also accused the moving company employees of refusing to assist her in removing an Afghan from a white Toyota pickup truck belonging to what is described as a gang of dangerous religious fanatics. Moving company officials denied refusing to support the removal of the Afghan from the vehicle belonging to dangerous religious fanatics. Other witnesses and volunteers on the scene at the time of incident support the claims of the moving company officials.

Suspect also complained loudly of moving company employees and volunteers efforts to assist neighbor involved in previous confrontational incidents with suspect.

Suspect has in the past also claimed responsibility for the employ of 200,000 workers in upstate New York. At this time none of those alleged employees could be located.

Suspect has in the past been held partially responsible for participation in an earlier home invasion of an Iraqi family who was alleged - by suspect and others - to have been invloved in illegal weapons and explosives and biological agents manufacture and use. The Iraqi home in question was utimately destroyed and numerous fatalities were resulting. As a result of intensive investigation by law enforcement and and independent investigators no illegal weapons and explosives and biological agents were discovered in the Iraqi home. Still, suspect has not been charged with any serious offense for role in home invasion. Despite suspects refusal to admit any wrongdoing in participation of home invasion at the time suspect has nonetheless expressed some remorse at her actions and, as a result, a willingness to testify against others who were also involved in the home invasion. Others remain troubled or unconvined by suspects claim of remorse or her pledge to make compensation for her previous actions noting that suspect still refuses to acknowledge any wrongdoing on her own part.

Suspect becomes notably defensive and combative when confronted with role in earlier home invasion scheme and her frequent attempts to shift some blame for her own role in the home invasion action onto associates and neighbors has created friction and suspicion among neighbors and those close to the investigation. Recent eyewitness interviews - in numerous statements to investigators - have related increasing frustrations and suspicions and concerns with suspect's new claims of massive retaliation against detractors. As well as suspect's continued eratic beahvior with respect to ongoing disputes with neighbor.

Earlier calls to location in response to eratic behavior by suspect resulted not only in observable distress on the part of suspect but accusations from witnesses that suspect had assaulted African American-like neighbor with kitchen sink. (See statements and incidents of moving company support for neighbor involved in previous confrontational incidents with suspect.) Person involved with earlier kitchen sink assault has been reluctant to thouroughly pursue charges against suspect at this point despite potential measurable injury to that person. Person has described attacker (suspect) as upset and bitter and prone to clinging to kitchen sinks and empty bottles of Crown Royal in an attempt to rectify her demons. No serious charges against suspect have been filed by person involved with earlier incidents at this time.

Suspect's husband has been observed on several recent occasions positioned on stump in front of suspect's current residence/location and loudly exclaiming to observers (according to witnesses present) that suspect (wife) frequently does not get enough sleep during the course of a given night and as a result of exhaustion has on occasion demonstrated a tendency to speak peculiar things... including concocting wild stories about being shot at by Serbian assassins in airports*.

*Subsequent investigations and efforts to verify charges of Serbian "sniper" assassination attempts - as described by suspect previously - have since proven to be false or of highly exaggerated nature.

Suspect has not been arrested. Suspect has been released without further action pending ongoing investigation. Suspect has requested her kitchen sink be returned and told investigators that any blood evidence found on sink belongs to her own "decades of sacrifice to the American people" and is not the trace remains of what suspect described to investigators as the "fluid footprint of a trashy slut with big hair" who investigators say mysteriously vanished from a trailer park in Little Rock, Arkansas in 1988.

END. Current incident report / investigation ongoing.


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