Thursday, April 17, 2008

Fabulous Questions for John McCain 

What?!! Michael Dukakis was hiding out in a flag factory?

No Whining About the Media
April 16, 2008, 10:46 pm
By David Brooks

Three quick points on the Democratic debate tonight:
First, Democrats, and especially Obama supporters, are going to jump all over ABC for the choice of topics: too many gaffe questions, not enough policy questions.

I understand the complaints, but I thought the questions were excellent. The journalist’s job is to make politicians uncomfortable, to explore evasions, contradictions and vulnerabilities. Almost every question tonight did that. The candidates each looked foolish at times, but that’s their own fault.
We may not like it, but issues like Jeremiah Wright, flag lapels and the Tuzla airport will be important in the fall. Remember how George H.W. Bush toured flag factories to expose Michael Dukakis. It’s legitimate to see how the candidates will respond to these sorts of symbolic issues.

David Brooks is a runny nosed twit. Nevertheless, in an effort to explore "evasions, contradictions and vulnerabilities" I have prepared the following very serious questions for John McCain.

Questions for John McCain:

s Senator McCain, your wife has a history of stealing dangerous drugs to support a drug addiction, and now we hear that she may have allowed a member of your campaign to steal an assorment of recipes from the Food Network and credit those recipes to your wife. Can you quarantee the American people that your wife and her friends won't steal anything from the White House or even steal recipes or medication or jewelry from the wives of leaders of other countries during state visits to those foreign countries?

s Senator McCain, will you take a pledge not to increase taxes on middle class small business people struggling to get by on the uncertain week to week income of a hedge fund assets manager or telecommunications lobbyist?

s Senator McCain, your critics have pointed out in the past that you yourself have not always worn a flag lapel pin when appearing in public. For instance, you were not wearing a flag lapel pin when you shook hands with President Bush at the White House on March 5, 2008. Do you think that it is petty and unpatriotic for your critics to continue to hold a hero and patriot such as yourself accountable for such a minor stylistic oversight. And what do you think should be done about those who continue to attack your loyalty to this country?

s Senator McCain, the Keating Five scandal received a lot of attention many years ago. You yourself were implicated in that scandal when it was learned that you accepted $112,000 dollars in campaign contributions from Keating and his family as well a as several all expense paid trips to the Bahamas for you and your family. In light of the recent foreclosure crisis, and revelations that Hillary and Bill Clinton made an astounding $110 million dollars last year, and Barack Obama was photographed in muslim tribal costume while vacationing in a suspicious country most Americans would never visit, doesn't the Keating flap almost seem quaint and silly to you today?

s Senator McCain, are you "bitter"?

s Seanator McCain, recently you referred to al-Qaeda as a Shiite organization supported by Iran. Your friend and campaign supporter Senator Joe Lieberman stepped up to remind you of what you had actually intended to say in the first place. Is Senator Lieberman as much fun to travel with as he seems to be and how much time do you and Senator Lieberman spend together watching sports on TV?

s Senator McCain, recently, contoversy was raised with respect to the comments of Barack Obama's pastor Jerimiah Wright which many perceived as anti-American. You yourself have accepted the endorsement of John Hagee, the pastor of the Cornerstone Church in San Antonio Texas, who in the past has made some controversial statements about the Catholic Church including referring to the Catholic Church as "A Godless theology of hate that no one dared try to stop for a thousand years produced a harvest of hate." - Given the current Popes recent visit to the United States would you, if elected President, invite pastor Hagee and the Pope to the White House to eat BBQ baby back ribs and attend a casual outdoor picnic together?

s Senator McCain, some conservatives claim that you are not conservative enough. That you may in fact be too liberal to gain the support of true conservative voters who saw Ronald Reagan as the standard bearer of conservatism. How do you respond to conservative critics who would like to know if you and your wife Cindy have any plans to have a black baby in the future. And, if so, how do you think your role as new daddy and new president might impact your ability to serve the needs of the entire nation if you are elected.

s Senator McCain, hypotheticaly speaking, if you were touring a flag factory and you discovered Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and Hugo Chavez hiding in that flag factory, naked, feeding boxes of American flags in to an incinerator at that factory, how would you deal with that situation, how would you reassure the American people that the American flag would not be desecrated and would always be secure from future terroristic attacks.

s Senator McCain, some of your detractors argue that you have a short fuse. You have a bad temper. That you can be difficult to deal with. How do you respond to these critics and don't you think having a bad temper might come in useful if you happened to discover Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and Hugo Chavez, naked, buring American flags in a flag factory?

s Senator McCain, the issue of Iran and the possibility that Iran may be developing the ability to develop a giant spaced based nuclear death ray that will turn every Jewish person on the planet into a toasted oat flake is of great concern not only to many serious observers in this country but also among our allies in Israel. If you are elected president will you take immediate action to secure space against the possibility that Iran will deploy these weapons and possibly even construct a giant nuclear death ray relay station on the moon? And if so, do you think that the French should be denied any future access to the moon. And if in the event the French attempted to visit or influence activity on the moon would the United States be within it's rights to launch a preemptive attack to destroy France?

s Senator McCain, you have said that you are strickly opposed to torture yet critics point out that you have voted to support legislation which might allow torture. Senator, do you think that it would be appropriate to torture Dracula or the Ultra-Humanite or Morgoth Bauglir and the evil Sauron or Dick Cheney or Snidely Whiplash or Hitler or the alien body snatcher pods or Dr. Phil if it was determined that they had valuable information that would help us defeat the French Iranians?

4 Senator McCain, thank you for coming here this evening and answering our questions honsely and candidly. I hope nothing that was asked here this evening was inappropriate or uncomfortable for you and if it was I apologize. However, I think I can speak for the American people when I say that these are the questions that they would like answered by their future leaders. And I think you have demostrated that you are ready to take that responsibility and the American people have seen that here tonight.

Thank you everyone, and good night from all of us at ABC News.


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