Friday, November 19, 2004

Inside Ted's Head - Right Wing Specimen Under Glass 

The Mind of Ted. Dissecting a bigot.

"ted". aka: (Ted) Edward Baiamonte, aka: Ted7000@aol.com, aka: bje1000@aol.com

Author - according to Ted's own weblog banner - of the "classic" American screed "UNDERSTANDING THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICIANS". Presented in all caps. Which makes it that much more of a "classic." Ted also wrote something called "The 91% Factor: why women initiate 91% of divorce", which, as far as I can determine without wasting my time actually reading the damned thing, is essentially some kind of anti-feminist sex obsessed ballyhoo based largely (I suspect) on Ted's own divorce and personal failed matrimonial experience. And therefore amplified (at least in Ted's head) as a (no doubt "classic") standard for all such matters. What has wronged Ted has wronged the world. Or at least 91% of it. Or something like that. See for yourself. - Amazon Books link

Ted wears many masks, at least according to Ted, but if there is one thing Ted definetly is its a kind of grand portmanteaux crammed with all assorment of right-wing squawk radio canards, talking point pop political slogans, buzzphrases, bugaboos, alarmist hot button anti-liberalism causitries, antecdotal historical fantasies, cloud cuckooland economic quackeries, and any number of other looney-tune buzzings scrambling around inside the hollow skull of the Ted like so many little animated bluebirds in a Saturday morning TV cartoon. Ted, you might say, is a kind of Mary Poppins-bag of fantastic right wing props. Or a twittering animated bird brain with baggage issues. Take your pick.

You can wander off and read some of Ted's twitterings at Ted's fabulous weblog "the dumb democrat" HERE. Or take a look at Ted's alternative selection "dumb liberal" HERE. When it comes to birthing clever original names for weblogs Ted is a regular Cagliostro. Likewise, it might be noted that Ted is neither a "liberal" or a "democrat", dumb or not, which brings me back to my earlier contention that Ted is something of a fraud in progress and a liar and a deceptive cad to boot.

Ted the Operator
But make no mistake dear readers, should you engage Ted in conversation, Ted will amuse you with his practiced savoir-faire and seemingly reasonable and friendly-fellow non-confrontational manner. Ted will even shower you with gaudy compliments (as he showered upon me - and for which I genuinely got a big kick out of because I recognize a buttery bullshit artist when I run into one). Ted will maintain this silky posture to the very end. Ted, you see, is one smooth operator. Or at least Ted fancies himself so. Despite the fact that his own half-baked online screechings reveal him to be something of a candidate for the booby hatch, and despite the fact that he refuses to pony up explanations for some of the crank he conjures out of thin air. Ted, you see, is a con man. And like all successfull con men Ted makes his pitch with a howdy-do handshake and a friendly slap on the back while simultaneously drawing a toothy white smile across the face of all things Ted.

For example: Ted, just prior to the election, submitted to Corrente, for our examination, his so titled magnum opus "JOHN KERRY AND THE LEPER COLONY." For greater context you can read the entire diseased ramble HERE.

Within this masterpiece Ted regales the reader with the following little autobiographical slice of traditional family values hokum.
No state is bluer than NY and no place in NY is bluer than NYC. In 1955 my Mom had a very safe domestic policy manifested as follows: when I said, "Mommy what can I do today?" she'd gave me 5 cents and tell me to get a friend and go have an adventure on the subway for the afternoon. Today a mother in NYC would be arrested for the very same domestic policy. What happened?

So I decided to respond to Ted's mailing and ask him how old he was in 1955. Seems like a simple question doesn't it? Well take my word for it... it wasn't. Oh God no! In fact Ted still refuses to provide an answer. And I think I eventually gave it all up after making the request at least a dozen times. Mainly because I already knew how old Ted was. I just wanted to hear him say it himself. (more on that later) Moving along: Ted makes the following observation:
Still, we're all so fortunate to have the cultural elite of Western civilization tucked away safely in their high security NYC buildings where their media, fashion, entertainment publishing, art, social, and political industries and institutions can teach the rest of us farmers how to organize ourselves and get along properly. I just don't understand though why farmers have God and families while a recent US Census lists Manhattan as first in the nation in percentage of single people, followed closely by the Kilauea Leper Colony in Hawaii?

"the rest of us farmers" (?) Hookay. Remember what I said above about Ted being a regular haversack chock full of right wing cliches and canards and so forth? But, despite that, what I also noticed, was that Ted was, according to Ted, apparently, a farmer! Hip hip hooray! I imagined Ted bringing in the Brussels sprouts or standing upon the farm porch, cup of hot freshly brewed farm coffee in hand, squinting steely-eyed, chin forward, eastward into the new day, and wondering what new liberal cultural elitist horror might come galloping out of the rising sun, at any monment, across those amber waves of grain. Ha! Not really. I didn't think of that until now.

You know why? Because I knew that Ted was completely full of crap right up to his ears. I knew that Ted wasn't a farmer (unless he were a BMW farmer from Stamford CT) and I knew that Ted would have been two years old in 1955 when "mommy" supposedly skedaddled little Tedster off to spend the afternoon scrambling around a NYCity subway platform. Which on the face of it would seem to make Ted's "mommy" appear to be something of an irresponsible dolt. Or crazy. Or something like that, since sending a two year old off to play on a subway, even in 1955, strikes me as a tad on the really friggin' stupid side of the third rail. Whatever.

So how did I know that Ted wasn't a farmer and that Ted would have been 2 years old in 1955? Ted said so himself. In the year of our Lord 2000, Ted (aka: bje1000), while apparently in full rut, offered the following biographical information to an online forum:
Anyway, here's a little about myself if I may. I'm 47, in very good shape thanks to many athletic pursuits (recently- skiing, rollerblading, golf, scuba, snow camping, kayaking), very good looking (I hate to say that), MBA, BA, in literature, self-employed with very small businesses in computer software, real-estate, and publishing (just finished writing second book-relationship book- although not an egghead type at all), home owner in Stamford, CT (40 minutes to Grand Central), divorced 8 years after a 20 year marriage. === Ted on Ted

Way to go Ted. See, if Ted were 47 years old in 2000 that means that Ted was born in 1953. Which would make Ted 2 years old in 1955. When I hinted at this possibility in my communications with Ted he refused to deny or confirm his actual age in 1955 and instead did his best to squirm and wiggle and altogether avoid the subject. You know how it goes. Of course Ted could have been lying about his age in the year 2000. Who knows with a guy like Ted.

Ted is also apparently something of a romantic loon (Bill O'Reilly take note!) so don't miss Ted's musings on steamy messages left on bathroom mirrors in the link (Ted on Ted) noted above.

So why am I picking on a pathetic middle aged moon-calf like Ted?
Why am I picking on Ted, tucked away safely up there in his gilded Stamford, CT nest? One of the most culturally elite high security communities in the nation. Because Ted is a hypocrite and a fraud and a liar and a con artist and a noisy right wing busybody bigot windbag. And because I don't like con artists and liars and morally self-righteous busybody bigots one little bit. Call it an occupational hazard which I've had a good deal of experience with in more thrilling times. I can track a road agent like Ted thrashing his way through a thicket and up a holler from a mile or more out. Easily.

Well, anyway, what Ted does is serve up and excitable stew of boing-eyed bogeymen labled "liberals" which he spotlights and amplifies and presents as proof of this or proof of that without actually providing any proof of much of anything.

Hell, Ted won't even clarify how old he is. Ted's rambling excitable gibberish is basically little more than the kind of fear and sneer caterwauling the Ku Klux Klan has engaged in down through the decades. Replace "Jew controled Hollywood" with "liberal controled Hollywood" replace gay marriage equals the collapse of western civilization canard with the old blather all about how western civilization will certainly implode upon itself should the black man be allowed to marry the white woman and blah blah blah blah blah. On and on. Thats basically the entire premise and purpose and scaffolding supporting Ted's seemigly endless feverish old timey ravings.

What Ted Baiamonte cacks up from his little self publishing economic elitist perch in Stamford Connecticut is exactly what David Neiwert describes below:
"... a relentless campaign of hatred and demonization directed at liberals, one specifically geared toward a rural audience." - See: Home is where the hate is

Except of course, Ted, like so many other Ted-bots, really, has no experience at all with rural America. Ted ya see is a perfect example of how the right wing drummer boy operates. Ted is an actual tin soldier in the cause. Marching around banging the hollow drum of skin deep morality and pretending to be something he is not in the hope that it instigates a battle that he can exploit and harvest for his own right wing elitist MBA inspired cheap labor conservative based ideological economic and political gain. For Ted the means justify the ends. As long as Ted wins! As long as Ted and the cult of Ted gets a share of the political party power boodle. For the sake of Ted of course.

No wonder hes divorced.

Ted the pedophile!!!!
CLASSIC TED - latest - hot off the wire - TED citing!!!!! ~ Ted is now pretending to be a gay teenager who looks like a movie star!:
From: Ted (TED7000@aol.com)
Subject: Male/16 Needing Help
This is the only article in this thread
View: Original Format
Newsgroups: alt.personals.gay
Date: 2004-11-05 14:00:03 PST

Hello...My name is Ted and I just got my first computer. I am gay but I have not told anybody and I want to reach out and try to find somebody to talk to. My sister tells me I look like Brad Pitt and I have a computer camera but I need help trying to set it up. I would like to show you what I look like but I don't know how it is done. I just turned 16 and am pretty scared of all this.

Thanks, Ted === HERE

Amazing ain't it? Ted has no shame or moral constitution at all. He's a pathological liar and a hooded creep to boot. A lonely fifty year old+ man attempting to lure gay teenagers into some online conversation so he can do what? Question them about their butt-holes? Well, only Ted knows.

By the way, if you'd like to read Ted's spooky Nazi-like morally vapid justification for genocide you can read it here:
Americans need to get over their squeamishness about bombing so called "innocent people" when there really are no innocent people. If we killed every person in Afghanistan we would have killed Bin Laden and the Taliban and eliminated a great part of our enemy and scared the rest. We hesitate only because the so called "innocent" are in the way." Their very presence obscures and hides and sustains our target. They our the enemies life line; they are the enemy. Yes, perhaps Bin Laden the tumor can be taken out by a Special Forces surgical strike but that does not mean the cancer won't grow back even more experienced and virulently or that it can be done before the anthrax spraying begins, before vaccines are available, and before business can produce other safety equipment. In sum, we need to teach the world and ourselves that there are no innocent people. === HERE

I have captured Ted. So study Ted. He's really a pretty simple specimen. A kind of spoon fed text book example of the right wing carrier pigeon. Pick the yicky bastard apart yourself. One hollow bone at a time and toss the leftovers to the wind when you're done.

If you'd like to more closely examine the specimen Ted (going back several years) simply go to Google, select "Groups" on the tab and type in = "Ted7000" or "bje1000" and follow the evolutionary development of Ted for yourself. Then...

Go knock over Ted's cheap scaffolding and watch Ted cry like the girly mandated pantysniffing attack pussy he truely is.


TED SPAM WARNING: if any of you decide to venture forth and leave a comment in the commnet threads of a Ted weblog -- BE WARNED -- if you leave your email address Ted may spam you with his Tedisms forever and ever. Asking Ted to stop spamming you will be fruitless. Take my word for it.


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